Radical Forgiveness

The Radical Forgiveness Worksheet

(From the Radical Forgiveness website): You cannot be in a peaceful state if you are holding resentment and anger about things that have happened in the past or continue to rob you of your peace even now. It is incredibly disempowering to make others responsible for your lack of happiness.

The answer, of course, is forgiveness. But don’t worry. We have a way to do it that is not at all difficult. It’s not like conventional forgiveness which is hard to do and rarely works. Radical Forgiveness is a simple step-by-step process that is fast, easy and extremely effective. It provides tools that enable you to quickly release whatever energies you are holding onto.

~Colin Tipping

Read the first chapter of Colin Tipping's book to learn why this worksheet is so powerful. I found that this was all I needed to get excited about this work and to complete the worksheet.

Now complete (print) this free PDF and work on a situation you are struggling with.

Forgiveness Worksheet

More freebies and downloads from Radical Forgiveness. See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

How to "Let Go"

Letting Go

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring;
It means I can't do it for someone else.


To let go is not to cut myself off.
It's the realization that I can't control another.


To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.


To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.


To let go is not to try and change or blame another,
I can only change myself.


To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.


To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.


To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.


To let go is not to be protective;
it is to permit another to face reality.


To let go is not to deny, but to accept.


To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.


To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment.


To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.


To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.


To let go is to fear less and love more.



(Author Unknown)

See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Drop the Call

I hate the phone. If you know me, you know this. I would rather text you or Facebook you or email you or chat face-to-face then pick up the phone and call you. This is true at work and in my personal life. This is true if I’m your customer or you are mine. This is true all the time, even if the call is free. I don’t like talking on the phone, and here’s why:

Talking on the phone is the worst possible method. First, you must keep a device next to your head at all times. Now, some “phone pros” purchase the expensive earpiece that allows hands-free calling. I can almost see the appeal. But I have one question: have you ever had something in your ear for any length of time? How was that? Cotton ball? Earbuds? Ear plugs? Was that a pleasant experience? Right. It isn’t. You want whatever it is out as soon as possible.

Secondly, talking on the phone requires constant dialogue. In person or online, you can take breaks, you can pause, you can leave the area and return without a lot of issues. But dead silence on the phone? Wow! What’s wrong? Are you still there? So how ‘bout those Yankees? While you hold this now-hot (and possibly sweaty) device next to your face you must also be ready with a constant flow of conversation.

To add insult to injury, you must now determine when the other person has stopped their train of thought, so as not to interrupt them. While you have no body language advantage while texting or emailing, making for the occasional misunderstanding, you also have no body language on the phone. You, therefore, interrupt your caller without fail or they interrupt you---which inevitably results in a manners-contest of, “No! You go ahead.” And “Oh no---you first,” or “No, no what were YOU going to say?” and so on.

So, just to recap: no interrupting, but also no silence. Are you following me so far?

In the world of text, email, chat, or social media, one has the supreme advantage of being able to edit before sending a comment. While typing may not be your thing, being able to delete your insensitive comment or bad joke is undoubtedly invaluable to even the hunt-and-peck crowd.

Now consider things like going to the bathroom (can’t do that on the phone, though it’s acceptable when you are face-to-face to excuse yourself and take care of biological needs), talking to other people in your area, stretching, keeping your eye on the TV, dealing with chores, etc. All are possible WHILE you communicate online. No one wonders why your response isn’t immediate…or if the response never comes…we know something in your life took you away. Perfectly okay. For those with an extra strong need to be polite, you simply put “brb” (be right back) or “otp” (on the phone) or whatever has taken you away indicating you will resume the conversation when, and if, you are ready.

Unlike the phone (and face to face), communicating with others via text also has the advantage of a written record. Invaluable for business transactions, this is also a terrific tool for personal relationships. You can go back and re-read a misunderstanding and see it with different eyes or ask for clarification and send their very words back to them. You can miss someone and simply pull up your last email exchange or chat, and be there once again. No need to get a hand cramp writing a letter, finding a stamp and a post office to send your words to another. You can be in Australia and you can talk via text for free---in real time---with someone in the United States right this minute. That’s amazing. I don’t care how slow you type.

So, in conclusion, for the friends and family that know I dislike the phone, and for my customers who see that I have switched my phone coaching business to an email format (though still handling workshops face-to-face---but never via conference call), I am giving you my full reasoning for this choice. While I’m pretty sure this will not change many of your minds about picking up the phone and calling someone when other options are available, at the very least, I hope this allows you to see why I am not and never will be regularly calling you to catch up.

If you have a counter-argument to my position, and find my view anti-social or strange in any way, I am open to that and would love to hear your reasoning.

Just call me.



See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Know Thyself

In the interest of self-acceptance, it is amazingly useful to "Know Thyself" as well as possible. These tests offer quite a lot of "knowing." All are free too. Spend some time getting to know yourself here.

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The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is the leading psychological instrument for measuring personality type. Emotional intelligence is also identified within the Thinker/Feeler spectrum.

What stresses us and why (and how we handle it) are all revealed and improved once you understand your type. Take this free test and learn more about your type: Take the Jung Personality Test

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Another MBTI-type test that many say is easier to answer (and is shorter to complete) comes from a site called 41 Questions (41Q). Take the 41 Questions Test.

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Once you know your type, spend some time reading about how you tick on The Personality Page. The Personality Page

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The Enneagram is one of the oldest tests in the world for finding out more about who you are, your challenges around emotional intelligence, and how you handle stress. The Ennegram Personality Inventory:

Perfectionism
Helpfulness
Image Focus
Hypersensitivity
Detachment
Anxiety
Adventurousness
Aggressiveness
Calmness


As always, here's a FREE link to take the test yourself. _________________________________________________

Emotional Intelligence (EI) is the leading indicator of workplace success---far outweighing IQ. Self-awareness is the first step to EI. Take advantage of the emotional intelligence tests and tools listed below and IMPROVE your EI for better stress management.
Complete EI Assessment
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The Johari Window is a great way to get a handle on your EI and increase its number. The Johari Window was invented by Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham in the 1950s as a model for mapping personality awareness. By describing yourself from a fixed list of adjectives, then asking your friends and colleagues to describe you from the same list, a grid of overlap and difference can be built up.
Free Johari Assessment.
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Tests from Psychology Today...all free! Includes:

What is Your Emotional IQ?
Are You Mentally Tough?
Is Your Lifestyle Wearing You Down?
What Are Your Stress Triggers?
What's Your Personality Type?
Are You Burned Out? (Non-Service Fields)
Are You Burned Out? (Service Professions)


Go to my site for links to the tests listed above now.

See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Truth from Osho

Question: “Somewhere there is that fear which makes me closed and hard and sad and desperate and angry and hopeless. It seems to be so subtle that I don’t even really get in touch with it. How can I see it more clearly?"


Osho: “The only problem with sadness, desperateness, anger, hopelessness, anxiety, anguish, misery, is that you want to get rid of them. That’s the only barrier.

You will have to live with them. You cannot just escape. They are the very situation in which life has to integrate and grow. They are the challenges of life. Accept them. They are blessings in disguise. If you want to escape from them, if you somehow want to get rid of them, then the problem arises – because if you want to get rid of something, you never look at it directly. And then the thing starts hiding from you because you are condemnatory; then the thing goes on moving deeper into the unconscious, hides in the darkest corner of your being where you cannot find it. It moves into the basement of your being and hides there. And of course the deeper it goes, the more trouble it creates – because then it starts functioning from unknown corners of your being and you are completely helpless.

So the first thing is: never repress. The first thing is: whatsoever is the case is the case. Accept it and let it come – let it come in front of you. In fact just to say “do not repress” is not enough. If you allow me, I would like to say, “Befriend it.”

You are feeling sad? Befriend it, have compassion for it. Sadness also has a being. Allow it, embrace it, sit with it, hold hands with it. Be friendly. Be in love with it. Sadness is beautiful! Nothing is wrong with it. Who told you that something is wrong in being sad? In fact only sadness gives you depth. Laughter is shallow; happiness is skin-deep. Sadness goes to the very bones, to the marrow. Nothing goes as deep as sadness.

So don’t be worried. Remain with it and sadness will take you to your innermost core. You can ride on it and you will be able to know a few new things about your being that you had never known before. Those things can be revealed only in a sad state, they can never be revealed in a happy state. Darkness is also good and darkness is also divine. The day is not only existence’s, the night is also. I call this attitude religious.

A person who can be patiently sad will suddenly find that one morning a happiness is arising in his heart from some unknown source. That unknown source is godliness. You have earned it if you have been truly sad; if you have been truly hopeless, desperate, unhappy, miserable, if you have lived in hell, you have earned heaven. You have paid the cost.”

Confront life. Encounter life. Difficult moments will be there, but one day you will see that those difficult moments gave you strength because you encountered them. They were meant to be. Those difficult moments are hard when you are passing through them, but later on you will see they have made you more integrated. Without them you would never have been centered, grounded.

The old religions all over the world have been repressive; the new religion of the future is going to be expressive. And I teach that new religion…let expression be one of the most fundamental rules of your life. Even if you have to suffer for it, suffer. You will never be a loser. That suffering will make you more and more capable of enjoying life, of rejoicing in life."

(Thanks to Anupam Barlow)

See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

The Illusion of Guilt

It's always there. like a trail of breadcrumbs, the path to peace (and out of stress) is the same as the path away that got you out of peace (and stressed out).

It goes action > guilt > projection. So you just gotta turn it around and see the projection >past the guilt > find my action.

You're looking at your projection now, you just gotta clear the guilt which is hiding your own action, and see it again with your beautiful eyes of light which now know that you did nothing wrong and you could never make a mistake.

Sometimes it takes hours to find it, but it is always there. If I see a wrong has been done by another, always, I have done this wrong myself and am just holding the other guilty because I hold myself guilty.

Tip before you try this: The best way is to ask nicely and then close your eyes and sit quietly and wait for the memory to appear.

~Caity Johnstone

See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Rudeness Is the Weak Person's Imitation of Strength

This particular wisdom hit me right between the eyes this morning. I am currently reflecting on all the times I was "strong" in my life, and am slowly realizing they may have all been nothing heroic in the least, but merely acts of rudeness. As I sit here typing, already needing to share this truth with my corner of the world, I am mentally going through a scrapbook of relationships and actions and decisions---that may have all been nothing more than insults.


It's nice to read an article where the author has actually mastered the skill they are sharing...but in today's post, that is not the case. I am writing this with the hope that my struggle with the fresh sting of realization (which is the force behind these words) will have the most impact for the reader.


As I struggle with this truth, rudeness is the weak person's imitation of strength, I am uncomfortable, because that spotlight of truth is surely searching for me and I must avoid it for fear of recognizing myself in these powerful words. Therefore, I could take my discomfort and push it outward. This technique is definitely one I've employed in the past (blame someone else), but I know enough these days to see that's just a stalling technique. So I could declare that I've seen no profound examples of strength, only rudeness, and blame my elders and cultural leaders.


Or I could go inward and decide that I'm a tragically weak, mean, petty person with no hope for redemption and despair for a time, wallowing in my error of faux-strength and avoid others until I'm able to "come out and play well with others."


I could also reach back and locate the strong/rude times of my actions and acts and see, instead, that I knew on some level that I wasn't being strong. And the mere ability to so easily locate those memories, is proof enough that I was rude, unkind---even mean---to people that were a part of my life story. This sting I feel is a good sting, I want to go on the record with that.


As I sit in my discomfort caused by my identification with this truism, I can already feel the rising from the ashes that a lifetime of working on the value of being kind and honest hasn't been able to accomplish. I can look back and realize I was trying to be brave and to stand up for myself, both honorable goals, and missed the mark for lack of a better understanding of myself and others pain. In one sentence: I didn't know what I didn't know.


I can also project forward, sitting here alone at my keyboard, imagining my next interactions as I exit my home and enter the rude world, and see that I will respond differently. I will have more understanding and therefore tolerance (and dare I say compassion?) to impatient customers at my local grocery store, drivers who insist on cutting in before being waved through, people I pass on the sidewalk who won't look up and meet my eyes and smile.


We are all trying to appear, and to actually be, strong. We find instead in those dark nights of the soul, that we are often weak (or perhaps fragile is a better word). The only external evidence of a bridge to this gap has been a display of rudeness in the form of insults and judgment and anger. I see now the politicians, the radio hosts, my past supervisors, and even my estranged family, former lovers, lost friends...were all about appearing strong, when we were really feeling our weakest.


Maybe my efforts at learning and teaching human kindness all these years (commonly called "people skills" or "leadership development") has allowed me to view this epiphany with something much more profound then self-disgust. I am unable to find the self-blame. But what is more important to me, is that I can't find the blame of others either. That 'sore tooth' I always ran my mental tongue over, seems to be missing this morning. One phrase, "Rudeness is the weak person's imitation of strength," has set my emotional world on its ear.


I see now that I and the other people in my life, were trying to appear strong, or at least not vulnerable to hurt. The words we used to communicate this natural survival skill were steeped in unkindness because they were meant to create a safe distance. The rudeness was and is an attempt at self-protection, self-support, a misguided show of inner resolve and strength to be our own advocates. It was meant to be a vote for ourselves.


But if your life is anything like mine (and I know only one thing after years and years of working with people in conflict---everyone's life is filled with regret and pain and self-judgment, no matter how cleverly concealed to the outside world), you now see that your show of strength did not meet your true goal. That the reason we can locate these stories and memories so quickly, is because they still hurt, still feel wrong, still cause pain. Our rudeness, our unkindness to another human being, was not in alignment with our true intention.


Our true intention is the same at our core: we want to show another that we are indeed our own advocate. We are eternally-focused on ensuring no harm be done to ourselves. The struggle with this only happens because we are also sure---in our deepest selves---that this can be done without harming another in the process.


In the end, rudeness hurts. Manners and etiquette and active listening and all the rest of human-made communication are intended to ensure that kindness wins in the end. That to be my own advocate never means that I have to undermine your own self-advocacy. A difficult task, a tough balance, an impossible feat---or so I thought----until I saw that rudeness is your cue to me that you are feeling weak.


And with that secret code now broken, I can find my own inner strength and turn the interaction to one of human understanding.



See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Total Selfishness is Love

If you follow this blog regularly, you know how adamant I am about self-care and that this is never selfish....and that the only selfish person in the room is the one calling YOU selfish (test that out---it never fails to be true).

My favorite teacher (Benjamin Smythe) has a new video on anger, selfishness, boundaries and respect. He's always brutally, refreshingly, humorously on target.

Enjoy (PG-13 rating :)




See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Emotional Stress, Trust and Key Relationships

When we say "yes" to our key relationships, or roles, in our lives we may not see just how much time and effort these agreements will take until we are well into them. Too many and we create emotional stress. Too few relationships and we have too little support during crisis.

Much of the behavioral science available today suggests strongly that 5-7 key roles is the MOST anyone can handle and still be effective. More than seven, and you start to erode trust...whether you mean to or not. This is where emotional stress starts (and ends).




Why 5-7 Relationships?


Every relationship you have will end. Yes, end. Whether through natural growth by one or the other party, moving away, retirement, accepting a new position, divorce or death...your relationships will ALL end.


So, if you have less than five, you will find yourself with too many eggs in one basket at some point in your life. Your support system is too narrow, and will crumble (at least for a time) when one of your "eggs" is removed. More than seven? You can't possibly juggle this many roles and do them all well. One or more will take a hit. The optimal number of relationships/roles to ensure low emotional stress is, therefore, five to seven.

How Do I Decide Who Stays and Who Goes?


This determination may take time. But you must make some cuts if you have more than seven key roles in your life. Here's my example of my key relationships. This may help you see where you have said "yes" to too many roles (and why you are currently stressed):

NOTE: These ARE NOT in order of importance. They are presumed to ALL be important.


-Employee
-Parent
-Friend
-Self (which includes spiritual practice and physical maintenance as well)
-Daughter/Family of Origin
-Significant Other
-Small Business Owner



Looks like I'm finished. Notice these are roles or titles. There may be several PEOPLE attached to these roles.



Under "employee" for instance, I have:


*a boss
*a few departmental peers
*end-users (classroom participants) that receive my services


The questions to ask yourself, when determining WHO is in your key role-relationship is:


*Does my effectiveness increase when this relationship is in good shape?
*Does my effectiveness decrease when this relationship is neglected?


It does NOT matter if you LIKE this person. What matters is your effectiveness. Will your role be one of high quality, and integrity, if this relationship is in good repair? Or will it suffer if this relationship is struggling? TRUST is what you need to build here; not approval or friendship (though these are nice-to-have's and often come from ensuring trust is present).


You need people. And people need you. But TOO MANY obligations in this area is such a significant stressor, that you will HARM relationships when you take on too many. This isn't about character or getting organized. It's true for everyone. You must start saying 'no' to certain roles you play, to give the ones that matter the time and attention they need.



See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

I Love You?

Recently, I was in a lunch-time yoga class that was sponsored by my employer. Many of the students were people I know in a limited way, not as friends or confidants, but just acquaintances. At the end of the class, the instructor said, "As you go about your day, say "I love you" in your mind to everyone you see."

I mentally cringed. I thought, "Well, I get that...but will they? Will they tell the coordinator of this class that the instructor is a nut?"

Yes, I see the arrogance in my thinking. And yet, did you cringe when you saw the title to this entry? I know I cringed typing it. I know I am taking a risk to even publish this article. My fear? That you will believe me to be shallow and simple instead of a subject matter expert in workplace communications.

But here you are, well into this article waiting to see what I am going to say about the phrase, that most coveted of utterances, "I love you." And what I am going to say is: I agree. You should walk around all day, every day saying "I love you" in your head.

My own journey has taken me to a practice the Hawaiians have introduced to some seekers, called Ho'Oponopono (translates to "correct errors"). It's a practice in which we intentionally reprogram our inner self-talk to one that accepts full responsibility for what we are seeing and perceiving and interpreting about anything in our awareness.

There are many techniques to "clean" or "erase" this programming---programming we all have inherited. One way, the simplest way, is to say "I love you" as often as you remember to do so (there are actually FOUR PHRASES to repeat. See the last video on this page for a song that incorporates all four.)

I have hesitated to post this. I have said to myself that people will dismiss me. But today I asked, "Why would they? And if they do, what is that about?" Well, that's more cultural programming, isn't it?

Consider the following:

*Haven't you experienced situations or been conditioned from someone at some point to NOT say mentally something like "I love you"?

*Do I mean you should say "I love you" in your mind to the homeless guy you pass on your way into work?

*Are you holding the value (programming) that "I love you" must be shared sparingly---and only when you know the sentiment will be returned?

*Are you holding this thought (programming) back for only those who DESERVE it?

If your answer to those questions is "yes" is that the programming you want to continue to reinforce? Is it working for you? Are you feeling regulary happy, content, at peace?

Or do you judge everything from the homeless guy to the gum on the sidewalk to the burned-out street lamp as "not deserving"?

Surely, nothing BAD will come of training your self-talk to say, "I love you" over and over. Try it as you fall asleep tonight. Try it when you are bored in a grocery store line. Try it when you see yourself in the mirror. If it feels wrong, then don't do it anymore. But if it feels good....why would you stop?


If you'd like to learn a little more about the practice of Ho'Oponopono, I've provided some video links:



Free video series of actual workshop (one of three)

Quick info now:











See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Which Brain is the Right Brain?

Suggesting a book that certainly complements what we are attempting to do on this blog, on my website and in my books: to enhance the right brain functions over the left. Not sure what that means? Not sure which side you favor? Read on...

From Oprah's website:

The last few decades have belonged to a certain kind of person with a certain kind of mind—computer programmers who could crank code, lawyers who could craft contracts, MBAs who could crunch numbers. But the keys to the kingdom are changing hands. The future belongs to a very different kind of person with a very different kind of mind—creators and empathizers, pattern recognizers, and meaning makers. These people—artists, inventors, designers, storytellers, caregivers, consolers, big picture thinkers—will now reap society’s richest rewards and share its greatest joys.

This book describes a seismic—though as yet undetected—shift now under way in much of the advanced world. We are moving from an economy and a society built on the logical, linear, computerlike capabilities of the Information Age to an economy and a society built on the inventive, empathic, big-picture capabilities of what’s rising in its place, the Conceptual Age. A Whole New Mind is for anyone who wants to survive and thrive in this emerging world—people uneasy in their careers or dissatisfied with their lives, entrepreneurs and business leaders eager to stay ahead of the next wave, parents who want to equip their children for the future, and the legions of emotionally astute and creatively adroit people whose distinctive abilities the Information Age has often overlooked and undervalued.

In this book, you will learn the six essential aptitudes—what I call “the six senses”—on which professional success and personal satisfaction increasingly will depend. Design. Story. Symphony. Empathy. Play. Meaning. These are fundamentally human abilities that everyone can master—and helping you do that is my goal.

Read more on Oprah's site.


Free PDF for Business People.

Two questions from the PDF:

-How innate are the six abilities Pink discusses (Design, Story, Symphony, Empathy, Play and Meaning)? Which of them is your strongest? Weakest? Which is most
important for your current job?

-What role do play and humor have in your workplace? Could play or humor improve your service to clients? Do you agree with Pink that a sense of humor can make someone a better manager? Why or why not?


Pink's Website


See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

No New Ways to Love Your Job

This blog is nothing more than my personal notes on how I get through a workday with grace and peace. Sometimes I write, other times I post a video that spoke to me; or refer you to yet another website or blog for an article or process. There is nothing new to share in the world. What is true has been said by many others before me. There are only a lot of different ways to say the same thing.

My world view is that if I have something pressing to say, there is someone out there who needs to hear it. That's why I find myself at the keyboard right this minute.

The poster below summarizes my current inner work much better than I can. Perhaps it is your current inner work as well? Projection, mirroring, shadow work...like that. Those ugly little triggers and hot buttons that really are at the heart of struggle and suffering and self-rejection. Maybe we could call them "pain points." That says it more accurately, if you ask me.

So this poster is my prescription for erasing my pain points:

Some suggestions for furthering this inner work: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.


See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Suffering Isn't Failure

Do you know Benjamin Smythe? He's simply videos. And they are amazing. If you resonate, you may also enjoy his active Facebook page.





See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

I Just Know I'm Meant to Be More Than THIS!

"I don't know what I want to do as a career, I just know I'm meant to be more than this!"

I hear this often when I counsel people around career choice. In fact, I am hard-pressed to think of more than five examples, both personally and professionally, where someone has declared that they have truly found their life work. And when asked HOW someone determines what they are to do with this burning desire---to contribute to the larger good---my answer is always the same:

You are doing it. Right here and right now.

This is, of course, a very disappointing answer. The need to find our life work is a common subject in magazines, blogs, TV talk shows and countless books ("What Color is My Parachute?" anyone?). This striving and checking and seeking and consulting----always with the same question in mind, "Is THIS it?" is really the only problem from where I'm sitting.

Do you find yourself wondering the following on a regular basis?:

-What can I do to make the world a better place?
-How can I share what I have learned in my life with others as a job?
-How can I find a job where I like everyone I work with and everything I am asked to do?
-What if I retire and realize I never really found my calling?

These questions stem from the wrong source, in my opinion. The very asking of these questions is the problem. We seem to be saying, "I want to give my best to a position...but with THESE people??? Doing THIS???" It's like we asked for our highest calling to be answered, and when we were given the circumstances to achieve it, we said, "But this isn't good enough for ME."

I am in the right job, I am following my passion, I am paid for my 'bliss', and here's what I know to be true based on my own career and after coaching hundreds of clients:

-You make the world a better place, by becoming a compassionate and kind resource in every interaction, or as often as you can, no matter who is in front of you.

-You share what you've learned in life by living it, by being an example, not by conducting a seminar or giving people unsolicited advice.

-You will never, ever find a job where you like everyone or everything you do. This holds true for everything...not just work!

-Your only calling is to leave someone better off than you found them. To use them as both your own mirror (when they rub you the wrong way); and to lead by example no matter who is watching.

You are in the right job. No mistakes. No wrong choices. There is no 'better things to come'. You are where you are supposed to be, because that's where you are. Your life work is to make life easier for others. Your life work is to do your own inner-work, to be as clear and receptive to others as humanly possible, and bring THAT into every interaction (whether you are on the clock or not). Your life work is getting up after reading this article, and walking over to the next cube, and saying something that will make that person's burden lighter.

Right now. Stop reading. Start walking over to that cube. Get to work.



See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

The Dynamic Duo: Anger and Stress

Anger is perhaps the one and only reason you are reading this blog, seeking answers to your work stress. Anger is so damaging and so hard to contain that when it occurs it can feel like an entity or a current from out of nowhere. After it subsides, we often are left scratching our heads asking ourselves, "What was THAT about?"


Well, to begin to answer the question of "What was THAT?" I have done years of work on my own anger. I come from a long line of angry people. And it scared me to be raised in that environment, but that didn't keep me from displaying anger as an adult. In fact, I could really see the USE of anger sometimes. I mean, you WILL get some attention in a customer service situation, correct?

But in time, it became too damaging to my own self-image and my relationships in general. I could no longer reconcile my anger and my values. After years of research and training---in reality crafting an entire career in pursuit of the answer to, "How can I control my anger?"---I have found my answer (and share it in the hope that it will be your answer too).


This answer may or may not work for you. But if you give this answer a chance, I believe you will find what I have found:

It really isn't YOU that is angry.


The biggest problem with anger is the self-judgment and judgment from others after an explosion of anger takes place. We judge ourselves in hopes that this will keep it from happening again. And I say "It" quite intentionally.


Anger can feel like something bigger and stronger than us. It feels out of our control. It comes in no matter what types of resolutions and commitments to change we have made, and does what it has always done, much to our dismay.


So what do we do?


The Pain Body

Eckhart Tolle, author of "A New Earth" doesn't so much speak of anger when he describes something he calls "The Pain Body." Eckhart's work describes an accumulation of pain and hurt and negative emotion---accumulated over many years but never consciously integrated into our bodies---that eventually starts to feel (and act) like an independent entity out of your control.


The Pain Body is usually in play when a repeated reaction to people and problems is well-out of proportion to the situation. It seems to literally take over your mind and body making you say and do things that you know you will regret, but you just can't seem to help yourself. Tolle states that when this dissociative anger is seen through the perception of "It's my pain body" that it starts to dissolve on its own. Anger still happens, but it happens less and less, until ultimately you are responding in the present and no longer reacting to old scripts and patterns.


So what are the details of the Pain Body, and what exactly do we do to stop it? I could continue here with my own interpretation, but the source of this discovery is much better at it than I am. Eckhart and Oprah discuss the pain body in the webcast of his book "The New Earth" in Chapter Five/Webcast Five. I find selecting the closed caption to be very helpful to follow the conversation, by the way. Here is the link:



Watch PAIN BODY Discussion.

If you don't have the time for this webcast, there is a very short video (6:22), that also does the job nicely (Eckhart's voice is the narrator):










Ultimately, you will start to put your conscious attention on the Pain Body---not "your" anger, but this pained entity---and it will happen less and less (not right away, but soon enough after your conscious attention is placed there repeatedly). Hey, if this sounds silly or too far-out, fine. But at least try it. If it doesn't work, you are only right back where you started from: angry.



See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Awaken....THEN Determine Your Purpose

So many of you contact me asking, "How do I know this job/career is what I'm meant to do?"

Yes, your contribution to our society is relevant, but the most important thing you can do for our planet is to awaken.

Not just awaken to your life purpose or your life work, but to awaken from the social conditioning and collective confusion we all suffer from. Only then can you make the connection between who you are and what you are meant to contribute.


This series of videos from Oprah and Eckhart Tolle will definitely give you what you need to accomplish that on your own. I sincerely hope you will give it your time. Take it fast, one after the other, or take it super-slow....but watch this series as if your life depends on it. I believe it does.

Watch It Now on Oprah.com
See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Nothing More Than Feelings

Emotions are not the enemy. The term "professionalism" has always been about not having, and therefore not showing, emotions (at least not the ones that we find unattractive). And our coworkers FEEL very strongly about this!

Instead of avoiding emotions, try leaning into them. I'm not saying express them---that was the flawed advice of the '70s pop psychologists (who were definitely on the right track). We've all regretted EXPRESSING an emotion in public. Expression and acceptance are not the same thing.

The only way to move through, and end, unwanted emotion is to sit and FEEL THE HECK out of it. Quietly. Alone. Until it's all over. Sound nuts? Try it. You'll see.

According to Michael Brown, author of The Presence Process, "Many of us do not even realize we are living almost exclusively in the mental plane and that our increasing confusion, frustration and sense of hopelessness arise directly from this misplaced reliance."

This obsession with your thoughts (in order to control emotion) ultimately creates boredom. That's because you won't feel the bad feelings and therefore you can't feel the good ones either. You (and I) can be just as resistant to the good feelings because, like anger or sadness, we fear we will lose control if we let in joy or awe without parameters. Being in control via your thoughts creates a nice, safe, consistent, predictable... BORED...person. You can take it. FEEL IT ALL right where you sit. Just let your boredom, worry, sadness, anger, joy, hope, relief...let it all happen in your body.

You can't THINK your way out of emotion. You have to FEEL it. Until it's felt, it will stick around. And let these feelings be okay. It's all just coming and going anyway.

You're only human.

"The only way out is through." ~Carl Jung

See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

The Practice of Tonglen

What the heck's a Tonglen?

Well, there is no need to know this word (I assume it's sanskrit). It's from a Buddhist teaching, and it must be the original source of several modern works that now tell us to EMBRACE stress and anger and upset, instead of suppressing them or managing them (or numbing them with food, drink, etc).


It would have been nice if the psychological community from about 1970 through today had mentioned this, but instead, we've all been flailing about struggling and causing conflict because we were told to EXPRESS these feelings to get them AWAY from us, instead of sitting and feeling them fully and watching them transform.


So, who's surprised that the Buddhists had it right all along? Certainly not me.


I have two sources for you to read-up on this practice and how to do it. The first is Pema Chodron.


Tonglen reverses the usual logic of avoiding suffering and seeking pleasure...tonglen practice is a method for connecting with suffering —ours and that which is all around us— everywhere we go. It is a method for overcoming fear of suffering and for dissolving the tightness of our heart. Primarily it is a method for awakening the compassion that is inherent in all of us, no matter how cruel or cold we might seem to be.

Go to full article.



The second resource is a page I have personally bookmarked and read regularly. Each time I read this page, I get a better sense of how to implement this practice. It's a good page (from the website Source Point Global Outreach) and I've provided an excerpt and a link here:


In this way of practice, in this way of being, we transform our tendency to close down and shut out life's unpleasant experiences. In accordance with Buddha's First Noble Truth, we acknowledge, touch, and embrace our personal and collective suffering. We do not run away. We do not turn the other way. Touching and understanding suffering is the first step toward true transformation. Rather than avoiding suffering, we develop a more tolerant and compassionate relationship with it. We learn to meet and embrace reality—naked, open, and fearless.


Although the idea of developing a relationship with suffering may sound somewhat morbid, we must remember the teachings of the Second and Third Noble Truths as well: when we touch and embrace suffering, we can finally understand what causes it. When we understand the cause of suffering, we can eliminate it and be liberated. There is an end to suffering, however, we must learn how to meet it in a new way. Tonglen practice can help us accomplish this shift of awareness, this training of the mind.

Go to full article.

And for those who prefer video to reading, here's a quick explanation of how to "do" tonglen:


See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Meditate in One Minute?

I found a really cute video that shows you how to meditate in one minute. Ya gotta start somewhere....and disciplining "monkey mind" is definitely Job #1 for creating a peaceful work experience.


From the site:

In One-Moment Meditation: Stillness for People on the Go, Martin Boroson boils down the philosophy of time into a simple form of meditation that you can do anywhere, anytime. It begins with an exercise that takes just one minute per day. With practice, this takes less and less time, until it takes no time at all. Then each and every moment gives you a chance to reduce stress, refresh your mind, and open yourself to new possibilities.

Playful, profound, and above all, practical, One-Moment Meditation teaches you that inner peace is not a distant goal reserved for saints and sages, and it doesn't take a lot of time: it only takes a moment



And here's a one-minute meditation for gratitude:

Gratitude Instructions


See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

The Four Principles of Spirituality

The Four Principles of Spirituality
(by Anthony Hooper)


India teaches us about the four principles of spirituality.


1st Principle: “Whomever you encounter is the right one”


This means that no one comes into our life by chance. Everyone who is around us, anyone with whom we interact, represents something whether to teach us something or to help us improve a situation.


2nd Principle: “Whatever happened is the only thing that could have happened”


Absolutely nothing of that which we experience could have been any other way. Not even in the least important detail. There is no “if only I had done that differently… Then it would have been different”. No, what happened is the only thing that could have taken place and must have taken place for us to learn a lesson in order to move forward. Every situation in life which we encounter is absolutely perfect, even when it defies our understanding and our ego.


3rd Principle: “Each moment in which something begins is the right moment”


Everything begins at exactly the right moment, neither earlier nor later. When we are ready for it, for that something new in our life, it is there, ready to begin.


The Final Principle: “What is over, is over”


It is that simple. When something in our life ends, it helps our evolution. That is why, enriched by the recent experience, it is better to let go and move on.

This world has billions of people, hundreds of cultures and thousands of lessons to be learned.


So many things can be learned about life if we open our minds to another culture or religion; almost certainly you will find a unique lesson which you can apply to your life.


You don’t have to be a irm believer, instead you can appreciate it for a specific value.

How can we grow if we only feed on what we know?

The world is a big place, we should take a step out of our own backyard every once in a while, don’t you think?


See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

You Are So Selfish

An unfortunate side effect of living in a society is the confusion around being selfish vs. what is necessary self-care. For most of us, we are taught that they are one in the same. And if I had one wish, it would be for the word "selfish" be banned from everyone's vocabulary.


When we call someone selfish, we are ultimately asking someone to not care for themselves over caring for us. We are, in fact, being incredibly selfish in calling someone selfish.


To say someone is selfish is always a form of manipulation. In calling a person selfish, you hope they will stop doing what they wish to do and do what you want instead. Can you see how selfish that is??


Self-care is really lacking in our culture. We just don't know how to do it. We learn to take care of each other, but no one teaches us how to do it for ourselves. We may know how to handle basic hygiene (bathing, brushing our teeth, going to the doctor), but the really big issues, like handling intense feelings, financial stability, regulating our biological needs through inner-guidance....well...these are mostly foreign concepts. We turn to others, we turn OUTWARD, when these things need attention.

Wouldn't it make sense for me to become obsessed with my own self-care? Wouldn't I ultimately be so fortified and energized that when I do meet you, I can give my very best to you? And should you not need me, my best or otherwise, we can simply meet and take each other as whole and complete people. Without agendas. Without manipulation. Without needing anything from one another.


That's self-sufficiency. That's the ultimate in societal care. Selfish in the pursuit of self-care....is the kindest thing we can do for one another.



See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

The 'Disease to Please' : Self-Created Stress

Are you trying to fix people?

One of the main stressors in our lives is "the disease to please." This is a condition where we try to fix other people's problems, make them feel better, let them use us as a free therapist and generally consider their needs over our own. This “disease” is in our control and can be stopped. It can be stopped politely and without damaging important relationships. In fact, it really MUST be stopped. It is probably one of the biggest time consumers and is a major obstacle to enjoying our work and our lives.

Here are some suggestions for getting rid of this learned personality trait:

1. Remember that we teach people how to treat us (that's a truth borrowed from Dr. Phil, by the way). You are 100% responsible for being the office therapist or the "family fixer" when others are unhappy. As long as you continue to accept this role, others will take you up on it!

How to stop it? Simply turn the tables and ask what the person has tried already to fix their own problem and don't let yourself fall into the familiar habit of offering advice or offering to take on the problem. The people in your life will subtly start to understand that you are no longer a source for "dumping" their emotional baggage.

2. Stop feeling responsible for taking away any pain you encounter. If you believe it is your job to lift pain from everyone who steps into your world, you will quickly feel overwhelmed and depleted of energy. Others must make their own choices to remove themselves from situations that are causing them to struggle.

3. Stop equating worry with kindness or being nice. Worry is not an expression of friendship, loyalty, good parenting or work ethic. It is an expression of anxiety, fear or mistrust. Trust that others will work out their problems, just like you work out your own. Telling someone you are worried about them confirms that they are not capable of handling their own lives (in your opinion).

4. Stop viewing yourself as ONLY a helping hand. Adding up the parents in our world, the helping professions like police, fire fighters, teachers and nurses and you've got a LOT of people who view themselves as helpers. The problem arises when you can't see yourself as anything BUT a helper. While this role is noble and meaningful, it is not your only function in this life.

You don't have to fix or help everyone, every time. This week practice just noticing this tendency and then move to just sitting and observing others. Do your best to break the habit of fixing other's problems and “overhelping.” You will likely start to notice less stress, more free time and more equal relationships.

If trying to please others--to the exclusion of pleasing yourself--is a reoccurring theme for you, you may be feeling like you don’t even know what your career goals are, much less making the daily effort to strive toward them!

To facilitate removing this common obstacle, here are some insights to "chew on“ during this week. Place these quotes in locations where you will see them often. Review the ones you like best upon awakening and before going to sleep for one week:


Naturalness is the easiest thing in the world to acquire, if you will forget yourself--forget about the impression you are trying to make.

~ Dale Carnegie ~

The person who seeks all their applause from outside has their happiness in another's keeping.

~ Claudius Claudianus ~

He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.

~Raymond Hull~

Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.

~Goethe~

People who want the most approval get the least, and people who need approval the least, get the most.

~Wayne Dyer~

Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great.

~Mark Twain~


See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Don't Take the Wax Out of Your Ears !

One of my favorite "inventions" for stress relief is wax earplugs. I know!

I often wear them in the office and find when I am only able to hear my inhale and exhale that everything becomes much, much less stressful. Sure, I have longish hair, so they are covered from view. AND I don't have to answer phones at work. So for some of you, this may not be an option.

I do this at home too though. Give it a try...you may be very surprised at how much of your tension is caused by all the NOISE!




See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

There is an old saying that points out “We dislike most in others, what we dislike most in ourselves.”

With that in mind, to remove excess negativity, resentment, judgment, or tension in a relationship, and, yes, WORK STRESS, try using the Mirror Exercise.

The next time you feel angry, frustrated, or judgmental of another, flip it. In other words, ask yourself where you behave like the other person (or worry that you may lapse into that behavior and so spend lots of energy trying hard to not be “that way”). Instead of looking at them and labeling, look at yourself and make a mental shift.

This person of irritation is simply a mirror for you to look at aspects of yourself that you can't bear to acknowledge (yet). Read on for more information on how to do this process, and resources for Shadow Work.



See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Stress can be managed…but can it be cured?

The term “stress” has become a badge of honor in our current world of faxes, e-mail, and back-to-back schedules. When asked how we are doing, we inevitably answer, “Oh, I’m so busy; I am so stressed-out.” To imagine answering: “Just feeling relaxed and enjoying today’s workload,” would inevitably mean being labeled a slacker, or at best, odd.








In developing a stress management program we often mean exercise, eating differently, meditating, and getting enough sleep. It may be more useful to ask why these things would have to be “managed” or even mandated by a physician. Why do we have to take a class to do these things?

The answer is likely that you do not see yourself as a priority. You have not incorporated into your to-do list that you are also an important relationship that needs attention.
You are a valuable tool in your life and you need to be “recharged” if you are to effectively run that life.

Once you see yourself as valuable and irreplaceable, you will naturally and effortlessly begin to maintain and exercise your body. You will not, however, follow your best friend’s regimen or the latest infomercial’s suggestion. You will find what works for your body, your life, and your abilities. You will like what you do to make sure your body is moved regularly and fed correctly.

While fat is stored, fitness is not. Natural principles govern our bodies, like the notion that we are not built to sit behind a PC all day and in front of a TV all night. Stress isn’t something to be fixed or cured, but an indicator that you are not listening to your body, and that you are not listening to yourself.







Are You Worth the Maintenance?



What happens when we finally make up our minds that we are a valuable tool in our own lives? That we need the same type of preventive maintenance as our computers or our cars? What might our activities look like once the thought that we have individual and unique value and should be treated as something with value has settled-in for good?

Perhaps your activities will look something like this:

*When you decide to eat differently, it will not be just to lose weight and then resort back to family-sized bags of potato chips in one sitting. You will eat what you like and you will eat what makes you feel good afterward (instead of tired or nauseous). If you do not like low-fat rice cakes, find what you DO like--and what you know is quality fuel---and eat that instead.

*You will sleep because it’s fun to sleep. It feels good to wake-up rested. To see how much sleep you need, it is recommended that you note the time you go to sleep on a day when you don’t have to be up at any particular time. Once you awaken naturally, note the time and the number of hours you slept. This is the correct amount of sleep for you.(see NOTE below for more info).

*Take time to slow down and check in with yourself, silently and often. You may write or just close your eyes and breathe, but do not let your day get away from you--through others’ demands or your own unreasonable expectations--without checking-in with yourself.

This is ultimately stress management.





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*NOTE: Normal sleep times vary from six to ten hours. Experts typically state eight hours as the norm because it falls in the middle of these two extremes. You may need more. How do you know if you’re sleep deprived? One clue: you don’t remember your dreams.






See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

I Am a Liar

"When we take innocent and open children and train them to be moralists, we train them at one and the same time to be liars. Moralism and lying go hand in hand. Being "good" and "looking good" lead directly to lying.

We conceal ourselves, by lying, because we fear that the pain accompanying the act of self-disclosure will literally destroy us, or fundamentally damage our being in some horrible way, rendering us maimed and dysfunctional. In addition, we fear we may destroy others with our truth-telling." ~Brad Blanton, Radical Honesty


Everybody lies. There is simply nothing to do about this, but accept this truth. We spend far too much time blaming others for lying to us, when the action that would have brought about the best outcome would be to ask ourselves, "What am I doing that is making telling the truth not an option for this person?" We lie for one reason: because we don't like the consequence of telling the truth.

Are you/we allowing people to be truthful? Are you a person where others can share what is true FOR THEM or do you get a bit hysterical or angered when someone says something you don't want to hear? I know I can be that way. Is lying often the only way to really get away from you or get along with you?

If you are uncomfortable with those questions...you may have just launched into a more global argument mentally. It may sound like, "Well, if we let just one person lie, and there is no punishment, then the whole world is going to crumble in chaos---thieves and Wall Street and Nixon---all liars!" This is a great way to avoid the inner work we need to do to understand that truth-telling begins inside. We are not the universal police. And it is only a matter of circumstance until we bend the truth, say the polite thing, fib, tell a little white lie---call it what you will---it's still lying and we all do it.

So is there a solution? Yes. We must be truthful, first, with ourselves. 'Know thyself' and the 12-step direction of doing a fearless self-inventory are two pieces of advice to find out what's true about you and let that be okay in your relationship with yourself. If you can become comfortable with the ways you have concealed the truth from yourself, and even forgive yourself for that, you will find it much easier to dismiss a lie someone has told you and buckle down for a conversation that involves the truth instead.

Really, that's all I'm going to offer in terms of suggestions for facing the truth that all people lie. It's inner work. The resistance to others lying to us is because we lie to ourselves. Since we can't be trusted to be truthful with ourselves, we insist our external world do the 'heavy lifting.' Until I can be honest with myself, I will insist that everyone else be truthful---otherwise the world really is an untrustworthy place.





See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Not Knowing : When is "I Don't Know" the Right Answer?

Part of our desire (maybe ALL of our desire) to be right is making sense of the world, people's actions, illness, etc. When we can spend a large part of our lives in the state of "I don't know" we may at first feel powerless or even stupid, but this position can be the most powerful and wise of all.


When we are willing to say, "I don't know" we allow for things to unfold as they should, without our interference. We don't make our happiness contingent on our best guess. We don't force others to think like we do, out of fear that if they don't, we are wrong, and we will somehow become unhappy because our best guess was not what happened.

Try spending part of today in "I-don't-know"-land and notice your internal response. Also notice that no one thinks less of you. Do I know it will turn out this way? I don't know. But I DO know that the position of "I know almost everything and you better listen" is a painful and destructive mindset (and also happens to not be true).



See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Are You Listening to Me????

Humility

Is the experience of humility something you are familiar with? If not, perhaps a clearer framework for "right" and "wrong" will help shift you even more? This thing about being right...it's mostly opinion. It's mostly a guess. It's mostly theory.


When we put a lot of time and emotion into the THEORY we become very attached to it. It becomes a part of our self-definition. We are defending OURSELVES when we really mean to defend our opinion, our view, our best guess.

And that's where things breakdown for you/me/us. There may be a few absolutes that we can PROVE, (and I mean you better be able to prove it like MATH), but the rest is just how you want it to go.


And you can't know that your way--you can't absolutely know for sure--is the best way. It's an act of humility to finally get this. Humility. The mother of all virtues. Humility and integrity and trust...they all live together. You can't separate one from the other once these become where you put your time and emotion.







See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Only One Way to Be Right

What do you see in the picture above? A beautiful woman or an old hag? They are BOTH there...you just have to look at it differently.


There is one way to be right, and it is a wonderful way to be. If you look for what is already going right, and break the habit of scanning for what is going wrong, you will find unexpected pockets of joy in your day---yes---joy. This will happen so frequently that you will wonder what in the WORLD you were doing wrong (uh, uh...no more of that) all the other years.

What is going right, right now? Look for it within your visual field as you read this post. Those curtains, no viruses (in the computer or your body), kids are safe, like that wall color, good weather, pretty hands....and don't stop doing this all day (and dare I suggest, don't stop doing this for the rest of your life?)

Seeing what's right. It's a matter of stopping the analyzing and the error-finding (in situations and others) and seeing what IS working, and how right most of your life is going.

Look for what you can be thankful for, and stop looking at what isn't going well. This can include people in your life as well. Stop looking at their faults and weirdness (not to get too technical on ya) and see what they bring to the party; what is right about them instead.

See what IS RIGHT in your life and stop trying to BE RIGHT about your opinions, choices, etc. (and forcing this on others).


(From Day 20 of the 30-Day Challenge, "When Right is Wrong."





See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Wake Up to Reality

Many people's lives are constantly punctuated with little fits or tantrums in which they express their rejection of what's happening. What are the thoughts that come at these moments? "I'm hopeless," "If he hadn't done that....," "She always...," "I knew better than to do this."



Many of these thoughts are about what you would have done if you'd known better, or seen it coming, or remembered. You think that if you had done something other than what you did, you could have stayed in control of events. "Oh sh*t!" marks the point where reality and your plan parted ways. Things don't seem to be going your way, and to the best of your ability you're going to fight reality, even if all you can do is swear, kick a rock, or give someone you love a hard time.



The alternative is to expect reality NOT to follow your plan. You realize that you have no idea what's going to happen next. That way, you're pleasantly surprised when things seem to be going your way, and you're pleasantly surprised when they don't. In the second case, you may not have seen what the new possibilities are yet, but life quickly reveals them and the old plans don't stop you from moving ahead, from flowing efficiently into the life beyond your schemes and expectations.



Noticing and counting the beautiful reasons unexpected things happen for us ends the mystery. If you miss the real reasons, the benevolent reasons that coincide with kind nature, then count on depression to let you know that you missed them. Anger, frustration, and aggressive reasons can always be imagined---and what for? People who aren't interested in seeing why everything is good get to be right.



But that apparent rightness comes with disgruntlement, and often depression and separation. Depression can feel serious. So "counting the genuine ways that this unexpected event happened FOR me, rather than TO me" isn't a game. It's an exercise in observing the nature of life. It's a way of putting yourself back into reality, into the kindness of the nature of things.



Excerpt from Byron Katie's : "I Need Your Love---Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead"


See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Embracing Others, Embracing Myself

We hear "We are all one..." and it is hard to make sense of that statement, though something about its hidden truth pulls at us. In this video, actor Thandie Newton tells the story of finding her "otherness" -- first, as a child growing up in two distinct cultures, and then as an actor playing with many different selves and how she found "we are all one". A warm, wise talk, fresh from stage at TEDGlobal 2011.






See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.