It's Not Personal, It's Protection

What came up for me this morning, to write to you, was a technique or trick I use to deal with almost EVERYONE. It's ideally used all-day, almost non-stop, with everyone---not just the difficult people in your life.


I imagine everyone that comes into my line of sight as they may have been as a child. The director, flustered, irritated, in a hurry to get budget information to the higher-ups? She's now 9-years-old and in a Brownie uniform. The guy who just cut me off and FLIPPED me off in traffic? He can't even see over the wheel in my mind's eye...he's in overalls and has a cowlick and fudgsicle smears all over his face.

Why do I do this? It reminds me that at the core we are all vulnerable, ashamed of something, hiding parts of ourselves, terrified that we will lose connection with our tribes. So we create these tough-guy masks. Or these "I'm very important" masks. It's not personal. It's protection.


I know that's true for me. And I keep a picture of myself at 5 years old in my bedroom and pass it every day. I often stop and look at this picture and see the happiest of smiles (missing three teeth), the tousled hair in barrettes that I'm sure I thought was looking quite grown-up...her. She's still in me. And I have put tons of armor in place (or she did---it's hard to know at this point).


Will you try this today and see if it helps you? This is one of the "hows" I am offering to the "What" we so often hear : the only thing you can change is yourself.




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See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Thank You for Taxes!

I am writing this on April 15th, better known as dreaded Tax Day!

But, I don't view taxes like most people. I work for my local government and I interact with what I privately call "Street Angels."

And my taxes and your taxes keep these "Street Angels" fed, clothed and sheltered. That's all they appear to need, and it's the least we can do for them---trust me on this and please read on.

As I open up my workshops, I ask for the participants' name, department and a short description of what they do all day. It's helpful to allow a Landscape Tech to hear what Child Protective Services workers do; or how a Zoning and Planning person spends their time vs. an EMS.

But I have another agenda while taking up to a half hour to get these introductions handled in a four-six hour class. It's not just educating the people in the room on other County functions. It's to remind me of what precious cargo I have before me, and that I need to make these hard-to-find hours count. My objective is to leave them with the skills they need to make my community better. To charge them up, however slightly, to send them back onto the streets, to help the people who live here. Because, to be honest, I just don't have it what it takes to be a Street Angel.

Imagine entering into a home, in an area that is so bad, you ask for a co-worker to join you: a Sheriff's deputy. The person answering the door may be, for instance, putting cigarettes to his children's arms as a form of discipline, but you don't know for sure. You smell alcohol coming from him, even though it's only 10am. Your job is to question this person, sitting on their living room furniture in their home, and possibly take their child from them within the hour. If this happens, it will be bad. There will be yelling, physical attempts at you, grabbing for the child, throwing things. Everyone in the street will witness this scene and see YOU as the wrong party. This is someone's child. How dare you.

And for all this hassle, you are only making $100,000 a year. No wait...that's too little for doing this 5 days a week, 8 hours a day, 50 weeks a year. You make...LESS. Much LESS. You work for the government, after all. And we must honor the taxpayers' wishes. You will need at least a Masters Degree for this "just in it for the paycheck" role too. Otherwise we know this situation would not be handled properly and legally. But, you are likely a "slacker" and a "typical government worker", so how does $35,000 sound?

But let's head back to the streets of any fair city. Is there someone walking drunk in the road? Call 911. Did someone destroy the entrance to your neighborhood with graffiti? Call 911. Did you hear something downstairs? Call 911. Did those leaves get out of control you were burning? Call 911. Your old boyfriend or neighbor being abusive? Call 911.

And like magic, the ugly part of being human is handled.

Because of the "Street Angels."

These are but two examples of what your taxes pay for. I actually got BACK taxes this year. I wouldn't have minded if I had to PAY taxes however. Because I know what they go for. I know that from where I sit, having an honest to goodness front row seat for government spending, that those taxes are honored, spent judiciously, and used for the things I don't want to deal with or don't know how to deal with. And there is never enough to handle "the ugly part of being human."

Happy Tax Day. It's a good thing.


See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.