Conflict in the Workplace

Here's a little information that outta raise the hair on the back of your neck:

The effects of conflict in the workplace are widespread and costly. Its prevalence, as indicated by three serious studies, shows that 24-60% of management time and energy is spent dealing with anger. This leads to decreased productivity, increased stress among employees, hampered performance, high turnover rate, absenteeism and at its worst, violence and death. ~Business Know-How.Com


Good times. And you wanted a job.

First, let me direct you to the tools already available on my site for handling difficult co-workers and/or your own negativity in contributing to conflict:

Difficult Co-Workers
Article "Dealing with Difficult People at Work"
Article "Being Right: What Price Do You Pay?"
E-Book (free) 101 Ways to Deal with a Pain in the Butt @ Work



Warning: Make sure this is YOUR business. Many times, we get involved in other people's workplace conflict because we believe it is the right and kind thing to do. And we make a mess of it. Or we end up in the middle of it. Here are some articles for ensuring you are seeing things CORRECTLY before inserting yourself into the conflict:

Article. Stressing Out Over the Cold Shoulder
Article. Is it Your Business? Boundaries and Tea Cups
Article. The Disease to Please

But if you've already read those, and you still need help in getting your workplace conflict handled, and you are sure this is YOUR business, here are some suggestions:

Make sure you let someone know you are handling this situation in the near future. Alert HR, your supervisor, Legal...someone else needs this information. Trust me.

1. Ensure the interaction takes place in a confidential and quiet environment.

2. Listening is the main reason this is so off-track. When we feel HEARD, we aren't inclined toward anger, gossip, creating silos or cliches...we only do these things because we need our side/view heard. P.S. This is also why we YELL.

3. Tell the parties that there is one rule here: No interrupting. Give each person a chance to tell their ENTIRE story, until they say, "I am finished." You can facilitate this by asking, "Is there anything else?" until you hear, "No. I am finished."

4. Summarize, in your own words, what you heard the individual say. Then turn to the other party and ask for their version. Repeat.

5. Ask each party for ONE THING that they would like to see change. You could phrase this as:

"What is one thing you would like to see handled differently in the future?"

or

"If you were in my role, what would you suggest I do to remedy this situation?"


5a. If you get no response or an "I don't know" then respond with:


"If you don't know what you need here or what would make things better for you...how can I know? I need you to participate in the solution."


NOTE: Don't use a snarky tone of voice here. Your goal is to not let either party know who you side with (and it would be ideal if you didn't side with either of them!).



Your intention is to make them the PROBLEM-SOLVERS here (as they were the PROBLEM-MAKERS). You are not the mom. You are not the President. You may have some advice, but if you give it, they will keep coming back for more.


Ultimately, you may need to get your manager or an HR professional involved. This may also escalate into disciplinary action. Everyone's job in the workplace is two-fold : To manage results AND maintain relationships. In this case, the second one is being violated.


You have every right to expect a polite and agreeable workplace. If these two are not willing to at least FAKE IT, then it is time to move them out of the organization. Follow your company's process for termination.





See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Constructive Criticism is a Scam

"Constructive criticism" is a scam run by people who want to beat you up. And they want you to believe it is for your own good."

That's from a book by Cheri Huber called, "There is Nothing Wrong with You". I STRONGLY urge you to purchase a copy.

More:

"If you had a person in your life treating you the way you treat yourself, you would have gotten rid of them a long time ago."


Seem like too much trouble? To buy the book and read it? You'd rather just read snippets HERE and move onto something else that's easy? Hmmmmm. That sounds like a plan for KEEPING the notion in place that there is something wrong with you. I don't want that for you, and I don't want that for me.


So maybe this (from Cheri's book) will resonate:

"Self-hate uses self-improvement as self-maintenance. As long as you are concerned about improving yourself, you'll always have a self to improve. And you will always suffer."


I have no link for you to click on. I'm not selling Cheri Huber books. I'm selling peace (except it's free, so I tend to just fall on the "pro" side of the issue :) You know how to purchase a book. Go to that place/site and do this for yourself.




See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.