101 Ways to Love Your Job: August 2011

Monday, August 29, 2011

Not Knowing : When is "I Don't Know" the Right Answer?

Part of our desire (maybe ALL of our desire) to be right is making sense of the world, people's actions, illness, etc. When we can spend a large part of our lives in the state of "I don't know" we may at first feel powerless or even stupid, but this position can be the most powerful and wise of all.

When we are willing to say, "I don't know" we allow for things to unfold as they should, without our interference. We don't make our happiness contingent on our best guess. We don't force others to think like we do, out of fear that if they don't, we are wrong, and we will somehow become unhappy because our best guess was not what happened.

Try spending part of today in "I-don't-know"-land and notice your internal response. Also notice that no one thinks less of you. Do I know it will turn out this way? I don't know. But I DO know that the position of "I know almost everything and you better listen" is a painful and destructive mindset (and also happens to not be true).

See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Stephanie Goddard

Stephanie Goddard is considered a subject matter expert in workplace communications and specializes in leadership and interpersonal skills training and work stress coaching.

Stephanie's first book '101 Ways to Have a Great Day at Work' has been an Amazon 'business-bestseller'; a SHRM bestseller; and has been translated into 15 languages. "101 Ways to Love Your Job" is her second book with Sourcebooks Publishing.

"Whatever You Are, Be A Good One: A Guide to Workplace Effectiveness," is her latest work (also on Amazon in Kindle and paperback).

See her website for articles, quotes, worksheets and more : Work-Stress-Solutions.Com

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Are You Listening to Me????

Do you have good listening skills? In school, you learn to read, write and talk. But NO ONE was taught to listen. We were TOLD to listen, but that's not the same thing.

Part of the reason that most of us label ourselves as poor listeners, is that we tend to formulate our replies mentally, while the other person is talking. This creates way too much static in our minds to be able to comprehend what the other person is saying.

The solution? Just listen to what is being said, and trust that you will be able to answer when it is your turn. This can only be realized by DOING it, because we have no evidence this is true (yet). All I can say, is "try it and see for yourself."

Another technique is "active listening." A better term would be "active paraphrasing." This is where you ensure attention is being paid to the speaker through rephrasing, in your own words, what you heard the speaker say. This also provides a focal point for the wayward listener: to paraphrase back what you heard, you must pay attention.

It is not parroting the speaker, nor is it an attempt to match the speaker's volume word for word. It's a short phrase, such as, "You had a tough time in your meeting today," and waiting for the speaker to confirm you got the gist of what was said.

Autobiographical Listening

The second biggest reason we may be poor listeners is that we screen out the speaker's words until we hear something we can relate to. Called "Autobiographical Listening" it sounds like this:

Speaker: I was really concerned about my mother's health, and started to investigate facilities for her, but most wouldn't take her Basset Hound, and she really loves that dog, and so I started to ....

Listener: Basset Hound? I LOVE Basset Hounds! I had one as a kid...

Another way we 'autobiographically listen' is that we listen only to advise, argue or assess. We only focus once we have an answer we want to share, or when we want to change someone's mind, or when we judge what the person is saying. It sounds like:

Speaker: I had a really bad commute on Highway 40 today. I really wish the D.O..T would plan a little better for...

Listener: Highway 40?? What are you doing taking 40 to work? You gotta take back roads. Here. Let me show you what I do....

Listening, like any other habit, takes regular application. It takes 21-28 days to form a new habit. During this time, you will be uncomfortable, irritated, have set-backs...but it is well-worth the effort that this month-long goal requires for a LIFELONG habit that ensures high-trust relationships in the workplace.

Continue on to learn more about the skills you need to deal with difficult co-workers:

Body Language
Tone of Voice
Mindset

On Work-Stress-Solutions.Com/Difficult-Co-Workers

See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Stephanie Goddard

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Humility

Is the experience of humility something you are familiar with? If not, perhaps a clearer framework for "right" and "wrong" will help shift you even more? This thing about being right...it's mostly opinion. It's mostly a guess. It's mostly theory.

When we put a lot of time and emotion into the THEORY we become very attached to it. It becomes a part of our self-definition. We are defending OURSELVES when we really mean to defend our opinion, our view, our best guess.

And that's where things breakdown for you/me/us. There may be a few absolutes that we can PROVE, (and I mean you better be able to prove it like MATH), but the rest is just how you want it to go.

And you can't know that your way--you can't absolutely know for sure--is the best way. It's an act of humility to finally get this. Humility. The mother of all virtues. Humility and integrity and trust...they all live together. You can't separate one from the other once these become where you put your time and emotion.

See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Stephanie Goddard

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Only One Way to Be Right

What do you see in the picture above? A beautiful woman or an old hag? They are BOTH there...you just have to look at it differently.

There is one way to be right, and it is a wonderful way to be. If you look for what is already going right, and break the habit of scanning for what is going wrong, you will find unexpected pockets of joy in your day---yes---joy. This will happen so frequently that you will wonder what in the WORLD you were doing wrong (uh, uh...no more of that) all the other years.

What is going right, right now? Look for it within your visual field as you read this post. Those curtains, no viruses (in the computer or your body), kids are safe, like that wall color, good weather, pretty hands....and don't stop doing this all day (and dare I suggest, don't stop doing this for the rest of your life?)

Seeing what's right. It's a matter of stopping the analyzing and the error-finding (in situations and others) and seeing what IS working, and how right most of your life is going.

Look for what you can be thankful for, and stop looking at what isn't going well. This can include people in your life as well. Stop looking at their faults and weirdness (not to get too technical on ya) and see what they bring to the party; what is right about them instead.

See what IS RIGHT in your life and stop trying to BE RIGHT about your opinions, choices, etc. (and forcing this on others).

(From Day 20 of the 30-Day Challenge, "When Right is Wrong."

See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Stephanie Goddard