101 Ways to Love Your Job: communication skills

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Are You Listening to Me????

Do you have good listening skills? In school, you learn to read, write and talk. But NO ONE was taught to listen. We were TOLD to listen, but that's not the same thing.

Part of the reason that most of us label ourselves as poor listeners, is that we tend to formulate our replies mentally, while the other person is talking. This creates way too much static in our minds to be able to comprehend what the other person is saying.

The solution? Just listen to what is being said, and trust that you will be able to answer when it is your turn. This can only be realized by DOING it, because we have no evidence this is true (yet). All I can say, is "try it and see for yourself."

Another technique is "active listening." A better term would be "active paraphrasing." This is where you ensure attention is being paid to the speaker through rephrasing, in your own words, what you heard the speaker say. This also provides a focal point for the wayward listener: to paraphrase back what you heard, you must pay attention.

It is not parroting the speaker, nor is it an attempt to match the speaker's volume word for word. It's a short phrase, such as, "You had a tough time in your meeting today," and waiting for the speaker to confirm you got the gist of what was said.

Autobiographical Listening

The second biggest reason we may be poor listeners is that we screen out the speaker's words until we hear something we can relate to. Called "Autobiographical Listening" it sounds like this:

Speaker: I was really concerned about my mother's health, and started to investigate facilities for her, but most wouldn't take her Basset Hound, and she really loves that dog, and so I started to ....

Listener: Basset Hound? I LOVE Basset Hounds! I had one as a kid...

Another way we 'autobiographically listen' is that we listen only to advise, argue or assess. We only focus once we have an answer we want to share, or when we want to change someone's mind, or when we judge what the person is saying. It sounds like:

Speaker: I had a really bad commute on Highway 40 today. I really wish the D.O..T would plan a little better for...

Listener: Highway 40?? What are you doing taking 40 to work? You gotta take back roads. Here. Let me show you what I do....

Listening, like any other habit, takes regular application. It takes 21-28 days to form a new habit. During this time, you will be uncomfortable, irritated, have set-backs...but it is well-worth the effort that this month-long goal requires for a LIFELONG habit that ensures high-trust relationships in the workplace.

Continue on to learn more about the skills you need to deal with difficult co-workers:

Body Language
Tone of Voice
Mindset

On Work-Stress-Solutions.Com/Difficult-Co-Workers

See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Stephanie Goddard

Stephanie Goddard is considered a subject matter expert in workplace communications and specializes in leadership and interpersonal skills training and work stress coaching.

Stephanie's first book '101 Ways to Have a Great Day at Work' has been an Amazon 'business-bestseller'; a SHRM bestseller; and has been translated into 15 languages. "101 Ways to Love Your Job" is her second book with Sourcebooks Publishing.

"Whatever You Are, Be A Good One: A Guide to Workplace Effectiveness," is her latest work (also on Amazon in Kindle and paperback).

See her website for articles, quotes, worksheets and more : Work-Stress-Solutions.Com

Sunday, November 22, 2009

#1 Whatever You Are, Be a Good One

Jobs are more than just paychecks. They are social arenas, spiritual workshops, developmental playgrounds, group therapy, and one of the best tools for learning about ourselves. Anyone who has ever been fired from a job can tell you that this significant stressor was one of the best learning experiences of his life (albeit a painful one). Perhaps more importantly, when we are unhappy at work, we are unhappy at home, too. And when we love our work, we spread that feeling around when we aren't at work.

People can't separate the two most important facets of human existence: work and love. When one is suffering, the other suffers. You're at work eight hours a day (minimum). You are doing it for a paycheck, sure, but that won't keep you particularly productive or satisfied. What you need to keep you energized, stress-free, motivated, happy, and loyal is more than just your paycheck.

Then what is the key to staying motivated day after day?

If you aren't sure if your life work is to make other's lives at least easier, then you are going to hit a wall at some point. In short, to make your work meaningful, you must see it through the eyes of working for the benefit of others. Much like volunteer work, except in this case you get paid.

For instance, I hope that what I do in my training classes makes a difference by the time my participants leave. My private goal is to ensure that they feel equipped to head back to work with a better understanding of how people tick, what ticks people off, and how to get results from themselves and others. Then, when applying these new skills back at their workplaces, this new way is modeled for customers, citizens, and even their families through example. Pipe dream? Maybe.

But it sure keeps me from hitting the snooze button nine times every morning.

Thinking about blogging something you know and love like I am? Use SBI! to turn that same knowledge or passion, having just as much fun, into an income of hundreds or thousands of dollars per month. Build an online business, like tens of thousands have done with SBI!.

Stephanie Goddard