Nothing More Than Feelings

Emotions are not the enemy. The term "professionalism" has always been about not having, and therefore not showing, emotions (at least not the ones that we find unattractive). And our coworkers FEEL very strongly about this!

Instead of avoiding emotions, try leaning into them. I'm not saying express them---that was the flawed advice of the '70s pop psychologists (who were definitely on the right track). We've all regretted EXPRESSING an emotion in public. Expression and acceptance are not the same thing.

The only way to move through, and end, unwanted emotion is to sit and FEEL THE HECK out of it. Quietly. Alone. Until it's all over. Sound nuts? Try it. You'll see.

According to Michael Brown, author of The Presence Process, "Many of us do not even realize we are living almost exclusively in the mental plane and that our increasing confusion, frustration and sense of hopelessness arise directly from this misplaced reliance."

This obsession with your thoughts (in order to control emotion) ultimately creates boredom. That's because you won't feel the bad feelings and therefore you can't feel the good ones either. You (and I) can be just as resistant to the good feelings because, like anger or sadness, we fear we will lose control if we let in joy or awe without parameters. Being in control via your thoughts creates a nice, safe, consistent, predictable... BORED...person. You can take it. FEEL IT ALL right where you sit. Just let your boredom, worry, sadness, anger, joy, hope, relief...let it all happen in your body.

You can't THINK your way out of emotion. You have to FEEL it. Until it's felt, it will stick around. And let these feelings be okay. It's all just coming and going anyway.

You're only human.

"The only way out is through." ~Carl Jung

See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

How to Get Rid of a Negative Emotion

What we resist, persists. As humans, we naturally want to avoid pain, and that includes our feelings. Trying to push the emotions away, or using substances like food or alcohol, work for a little while. Then the emotion is worse than ever.

While understandable, this simply doesn't work. Instead, I advise you to purposely face the emotion, lean into it, and really get to know it.

Follow the six steps below. And like magic, it's gone.

#1. Close your eyes and get as physically comfortable as possible.

#2. Locate the feeling in your body. Is it in your stomach? Your neck? Several places? Does it swirl around as you try to locate it?

#3. If this emotion had a color, what would it be? Black? An ugly yellow? The reddest of reds? Maybe it's black in the middle and gray on the edges. There is no right or wrong. Just describe this to yourself.

#4. If you could pour this emotion into a container, what would that container be? A measuring cup? A bucket? An ice chest? How many cups or gallons would it create?

#5. Give this emotion a name. Is it something ugly like Elvira? Is it something like an injured child and you would name it Olivia or Timmy? Does it talk to you? Is the emotion asking you for anything? Is it trying to help you?

#6. Now, assess how you feel. Is the negativity less? Is it worse? Start the process all over again. Do it as many times as you need until the emotion is gone (and it will be).


Additional Tips:

* Don't worry about following these steps exactly. Read this a few times until you're pretty sure you have all/most of the questions memorized an

* Print these tips and review them for a few days while you are calm. Then whenever a negative emotion hits, you don't have to add the burden of finding this process to your troubling feelings.

Final Thought:

Remember the quote from Dr. Stephen Covey of "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" fame who said, "When you resist an emotion, it springs to life. When you allow an emotion, it dies on the vine." He isn't suggesting you ACT on the emotion in this quote, however. Just to fully and finally FEEL it.

Head over to my website for lots more articles and tips like this one : Work-Stress-Solutions.com.