How to Focus a Wandering Mind

Great article on why it wanders and how to get control of it; should be good for meetings, etc.

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It’s not surprising—this kind of repeated mental exercise is like going to the gym, only you’re building your brain instead of your muscles. And mind-wandering is like the weight you add to the barbell—you need some “resistance” to the capacity you’re trying to build. Without mind-wandering to derail your attempts to remain focused, how could you train the skills of watching your mind and controlling your attention?

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FULL ARTICLE



Reading all this might make you think that we’d be better off if we could live our lives in a constant state of laser-like, present moment focus. But a wandering mind isn’t all bad. Not only can we leverage it to build focus using FA meditation, but the capacity to project our mental stream out of the present and imagine scenarios that aren’t actually happening is hugely evolutionarily valuable, which may explain why it’s so prominent in our mental lives. These processes allow for creativity, planning, imagination, memory—capacities that are central not only to our survival, but also to the very essence of being human.

See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Nothing More Than Feelings

Emotions are not the enemy. The term "professionalism" has always been about not having, and therefore not showing, emotions (at least not the ones that we find unattractive). And our coworkers FEEL very strongly about this!

Instead of avoiding emotions, try leaning into them. I'm not saying express them---that was the flawed advice of the '70s pop psychologists (who were definitely on the right track). We've all regretted EXPRESSING an emotion in public. Expression and acceptance are not the same thing.

The only way to move through, and end, unwanted emotion is to sit and FEEL THE HECK out of it. Quietly. Alone. Until it's all over. Sound nuts? Try it. You'll see.

According to Michael Brown, author of The Presence Process, "Many of us do not even realize we are living almost exclusively in the mental plane and that our increasing confusion, frustration and sense of hopelessness arise directly from this misplaced reliance."

This obsession with your thoughts (in order to control emotion) ultimately creates boredom. That's because you won't feel the bad feelings and therefore you can't feel the good ones either. You (and I) can be just as resistant to the good feelings because, like anger or sadness, we fear we will lose control if we let in joy or awe without parameters. Being in control via your thoughts creates a nice, safe, consistent, predictable... BORED...person. You can take it. FEEL IT ALL right where you sit. Just let your boredom, worry, sadness, anger, joy, hope, relief...let it all happen in your body.

You can't THINK your way out of emotion. You have to FEEL it. Until it's felt, it will stick around. And let these feelings be okay. It's all just coming and going anyway.

You're only human.

"The only way out is through." ~Carl Jung

See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Don't Believe Everything You Think

It seems to me, that no one is noticing the elephant in the human living room. Thoughts. I don’t seem to be in control of them, and they just keep on coming. I have spent what seems a lifetime trying to control them, their content, and their quality. I have meditated, done affirmations, insisted on thinking positively all day long, journaled and been to therapy. And none of it has changed one thing.



Since I’m not one to sit around after 30 years of effort and tell myself, “Try harder,” I decided to investigate this private realization. As it would happen, this “you are in charge of your thoughts” declaration is absolutely not true. But you knew that already.



What we CAN control is our response to these thoughts. But these thoughts just come on in, unbidden. You can purposely think a statement or affirmation, sure, but what gave you the thought to think it? Ha! Gotcha. It just popped in, right?



Jung had a term called the Collective Unconscious; the Vendata Community has a term, “the causal body.” Both of these explain that thoughts are coming from SOMEWHERE (call it God, Reality or from the Great Beyond), but they are not originating FROM YOU. You are BEING thought!



You’ll notice you are digesting food and taking in air in the very same way. It’s just happening. Your agreement with these processes is not required. It will happen with or without your vote. Sit for a moment and notice this.



So, what is my point?



Well, I had, er, a THOUGHT ‘came in’ that suggested that I write an article about this to you; to allow others to have access to this same insight. At this point, this information may seem like AWFUL news, because you apparently don’t have control over your thoughts. But isn’t this realization also kind of freeing?



If you are not the thinker, than you can just observe the thoughts, and decide (you still have free will) which ones to emotionally or physically respond to. So, you can have a feeling or execute an action. Or you can dismiss the thought altogether.



Byron Katie, of “the Work” fame, anchors her entire program on this premise. She tells us that every stressful thought is a lie. Doesn’t that sound INSULTING at first glance? But what she means is, if the thought is upsetting to us, it isn’t true. It is going against reality or our own truth or both.



“I’m too fat and ugly” could be a thought that pops in when you look in the mirror. Is that true? Are you really TOO fat? Are you considered ugly by everyone? Even your dog? Well, maybe you could lose some weight, but currently, you are as big or small as you are. It’s just a fact. You’re alive and seem to be mobile (you walked by a mirror, right?) so perhaps the definition of fat is subjective. Are you REALLY grossed out by yourself or are you trying to program your view to match some societal opinion that is repeated a lot on TV and at night clubs?



If the circumstances were different and you were on a deserted island with no food, are you too fat now? Or are you properly equipped to withstand isolation until help arrives (compared to your size 5 friend who is definitely not gonna make it past the first month?).



Yes, yes, I hear you. You think this is crazy and will keep you alone and judged by your neighbors and co-workers if you adopt this new way of viewing thoughts. These various people that walk around noticing your outfits and your hair and your butt (and seem to be very important to you---maybe more important than YOU are to you). They really are focused on YOU, aren’t they?? Well, since you have been trying to please them since you were about 12 years old, and haven’t really measured up consistently –if ever---what do you say we stop worrying about the thoughts THEY have randomly entering their brains and focus on the ones randomly entering yours?



Because I have to tell ya, it is actually a lot of FUN to watch them pop in and out all day. And knowing I get to decide which one to attend to and which one to ignore, makes me feel VERY In charge, not out of control. How about trying it my way?



It’s just a thought…:)

"A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years."

— Byron Katie (Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life)



See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

You Are What You THINK?

Do you want to know why you feel badly most of the time?

I've done the reading. I've done the work. I KNOW what makes you (and me) feel stress, discomfort, anxiety, nervous, upset, angry, irritated...call it what you want. Bottom line: You're not happy.

You can treat your unhappiness like a speck of dust that's on the projector screen in front of you. Every time the picture changes, the speck of dust is now on something else, something different. Or...you can direct your attention to where the speck of dust actually resides: on the camera lens.

What you THINK creates the way you FEEL. You don't have a feeling and then have a thought about it. It's exactly the other way around.

You can change the environment, the people in your life, your body, your bank account. YOU CAN get these "specks of dust" to shift and move and maybe improve. But, just like the changing scenes in a movie, it won't last.

So, let's go for the pay dirt here. You have to wipe off the speck of dust on the camera lens...and that means change your mind from thinking what you think.

Most of our thoughts are just theories. Is this what's happening? Could he have meant this? What was that look about? Will this traffic make me late? Will this outfit impress them? What will happen if that bill passes the House? It's all just conjecture. And very little of it is factual.

Think of thoughts as specks of dust...blow them away...and put 'theories' in place that make you feel mellow, calm, at peace. How?

First, always ask yourself if the thought you are having is 100% truth. Can you know without a shadow of a doubt that "the traffic will make me late"? Then what are you doing? Do you think that by being stressed and tense you will make the traffic move faster? If so, then ask yourself again, "Is this 100% truth?" Is it absolutely true that you will be late? That your tension will be communicated to other drivers and you will move the traffic along?

Another way to change your mind and therefore your emotion is to turn your stressful thought around completely. The reverse is almost ALWAYS true too, if not truer.

So back to our traffic theory. "The traffic will make me late." The exact opposite is, "The traffic will not make me late." It's just as likely. You can't see into the future. And if we are being 100% truthful here, isn't your late departure the reason you are possibly running late? And you do have control over that...at least the next time.

Post these somewhere like your bathroom mirror or car dashboard:

-Is it 100% truth?
-What is the exact opposite (and is that just as true or truer?)

Here's to feeling pretty darn good...starting right now. It's just a thought away.

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#20 of the 101 Ways to Love Your Job

Jingle All the Way

The next time you get a jingle or song in your head that you can't get rid of, use it to your advantage.

Replace the words of the song with words that affirm your goals. For instance, if "Jingle Bells" if running through your mind, replace the words with something like:

Dashing to the bank,
In a four-door Mercedes Benz.
O'er my office I go,
Laughing all the way. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Or just....

Health, health, health
Health, health, health
In a one-horse open health, healllllth!

This is just one more way that you can take control of your own mind and focus it in the way you wish. It's a little like exercising---you don't realize how little strength you have until you start to use the "muscle."

Once you start to focus your brain vs. letting it run amok, you'll find yourself directing your thoughts automatically and with ease.

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