The Practice of Tonglen

What the heck's a Tonglen?

Well, there is no need to know this word (I assume it's sanskrit). It's from a Buddhist teaching, and it must be the original source of several modern works that now tell us to EMBRACE stress and anger and upset, instead of suppressing them or managing them (or numbing them with food, drink, etc).


It would have been nice if the psychological community from about 1970 through today had mentioned this, but instead, we've all been flailing about struggling and causing conflict because we were told to EXPRESS these feelings to get them AWAY from us, instead of sitting and feeling them fully and watching them transform.


So, who's surprised that the Buddhists had it right all along? Certainly not me.


I have two sources for you to read-up on this practice and how to do it. The first is Pema Chodron.


Tonglen reverses the usual logic of avoiding suffering and seeking pleasure...tonglen practice is a method for connecting with suffering —ours and that which is all around us— everywhere we go. It is a method for overcoming fear of suffering and for dissolving the tightness of our heart. Primarily it is a method for awakening the compassion that is inherent in all of us, no matter how cruel or cold we might seem to be.

Go to full article.



The second resource is a page I have personally bookmarked and read regularly. Each time I read this page, I get a better sense of how to implement this practice. It's a good page (from the website Source Point Global Outreach) and I've provided an excerpt and a link here:


In this way of practice, in this way of being, we transform our tendency to close down and shut out life's unpleasant experiences. In accordance with Buddha's First Noble Truth, we acknowledge, touch, and embrace our personal and collective suffering. We do not run away. We do not turn the other way. Touching and understanding suffering is the first step toward true transformation. Rather than avoiding suffering, we develop a more tolerant and compassionate relationship with it. We learn to meet and embrace reality—naked, open, and fearless.


Although the idea of developing a relationship with suffering may sound somewhat morbid, we must remember the teachings of the Second and Third Noble Truths as well: when we touch and embrace suffering, we can finally understand what causes it. When we understand the cause of suffering, we can eliminate it and be liberated. There is an end to suffering, however, we must learn how to meet it in a new way. Tonglen practice can help us accomplish this shift of awareness, this training of the mind.

Go to full article.

And for those who prefer video to reading, here's a quick explanation of how to "do" tonglen:


See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Stress and Work Relationships

The Four Human Needs include the physical, emotional, the intellectual and spiritual. Let's focus on ....

Emotional/Social

We are pack animals. Many of us (introverts) prefer spending a lot of time alone, but we get VERY WEIRD (not to get too technical about it) when we spend day after day alone. We need interaction with others for proper brain function. Work provides plenty of this, of course, but it provides much more than just social stimulation.

Current studies are showing employers that office friendships have a direct correlation to employee satisfaction. Where once employers shunned group lunches and socializing after hours, we now know that this reduces turnover and markedly lowers stress levels in employees.

Moreover, we go through divorces, babies, deaths of parents, marriages and many other human experiences with our co-workers. Baby showers and birthday lunches are a normal part of office interaction today.

All of this meets (significantly meets) our social and emotional needs as humans. So, once again, we can check this off our list and be thankful for our workplace commutes and even see office politics in a new light.

More on the Four Human Needs