You Are Wrong!!

The title got your attention, didn't it? And NOT in a good way.


Aren't you feeling a little agitation right now? I bet you are. This is the normal response to being told we are WRONG. Your intention in reading further may even be to prove to me that you are NOT wrong, but quite right. And you don't even know what we are talking about yet!


This attitude is why we have conflict. Conflict is caused by the desire to be right. Think about an argument you have recently had. Was it with your spouse, co-worker or who was next in line at Target? It doesn't matter WHO is was, or what you THINK about them, or even what the actual FACTS were. What generated the conflict was your need to prove you were right about whatever happened.


In any given situation that involves conflict (whether that is aggressive conflict or polite conflict, it hardly matters) you would be better off in the long run to give up your irresistible need to be right EVERY TIME. You may wish to fight to the death on some issue that is important to you---and those fights are likely the ones that define who you are and what you stand for. But when you are fighting over who took the garbage our last or were you the next one in line, you may need to see where your need to be right is getting in your way.


Dr. Robert Bolten, bestselling author of "People Skills" states, "My research indicates that 95% of all conflict stems from our irresistible need to be right. Our conflict would greatly diminish if we gave up this mindset."


So how do we go about changing this mindset? Following are a couple of quotes based on Dr. Stephen Covey's Work (The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People) and to take a quote from this list and put it to work for you. Place it on your computer screen, as a screensaver or post if somewhere you will see often like the bathroom mirror.


"Assertiveness is defined as courage balanced with consideration." My interpretation: Have the guts to stand up for yourself, but do it with some manners.


"What is more important ? To be right in your relationships or to be effective in them?" My interpretation: On your deathbed, will your last words be "I was loved" or "I was right" ?


Excerpt #70 from my book "101 Ways to Love Your Job."


See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

#33 of 101 Ways to Love Your Job

Pride Keeps Prejudice Company

Another Coveyism that ties prejudice to pride: "When we argue, we are fighting for our weaknesses." It took me a long time to understand what this quote was saying. When we are not willing to be open to another point of view--when we are sure we are right--we are actually fighting to keep our limitations in place. If you find yourself right this minute thinking, 'I am not the person she is talking to in this [blog entry]," you are fighting to keep your prejudice.

When we become defensive after receiving feedback or argue with someone over our opinions on a matter, we are fighting to not have our minds changed. We are fighting to keep our current mindset in place. As you can probably figure out, this will ultimately make you obsolete. "Fight for your weaknesses and you get to keep them," is another way to look at it.

Today, I ask that you open up to this possibility. What does becoming aware of our biases look like? How do we know when we are "there"?

The answer? When we can see that everyone has both shortcomings and strengths. Everyone (including ourselves) makes mistakes and creates successes. Knowing that we all want to be able to pay our bills easily, enjoy leisure time, and create something meaningful at work---no matter our physical form or current circumstances--is the goal.

See 101 Ways to Love Your Job in its entirety on Amazon.
Read more articles like this one on my website : Work Stress Solutions.Com

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#3 of the "101 Ways to Love Your Job" : The Power of Habits

As mentioned in the introduction, I am an insatiable reader of self-help, and I have managed to define an entire career on the sentence, "I just read this incredible book. Let me tell you all about it...!"

Interpersonal skills, motivation, self-improvement, setting and meeting goals---all of these are subject matter I just can't get enough of. However, I recently started to see a repetition in my reading. The "new" books were all saying essentially the same thing. Yet I wasn't feeling that same "high" that I usually felt after hitting on some new knowledge that would improve my life. I was already doing what the books recommended, yet I wasn't seeing the usual results. I wasn't losing my Christmas weight. I wasn't increasing my productivity from last year. I couldn't seem to make it down to the Humane Society for my usual volunteer time. I was, well, stuck.

One of my favorite standards in self-help/business skills development is the classic, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Now, I have read this book more than once and have taught it as a workshop maybe forty times as of this writing (it's a three-day workshop, by the way, so that's 120 sessions). It's safe to say I know this program inside and out.

But it wasn't until I read a book called The Power of Focus that something really important clicked for me. Even though I was teaching a class called "the Seven Habits," I never really "got" that this program was talking about setting habits. It wasn't called "The Seven Philosophies" or "The Seven Theories" but still, I wasn't clear that the message was to set (or break) habits. In reading just the first chapter of The Power of Focus, I finally had that "a-ha" moment I had been seeking for so many months.

Instead of setting goals, set habits. What I mean specifically is look at your repeated actions and decide if these are getting you the results you want. When we set goals, we tend to start from a place of lack or judgment--i.e., "I need to get more organized." Well, in setting that goal, I would attempt new behaviors like setting up filing systems or trying to de-clutter my office, but this was leading to mixed results.

The problem was not so much the activity as the mindset. I saw the goal as a thing to be achieved like an item on a "to-do" list. I wanted to check off the "errand" and get back to the fun stuff. Consequently, I saw the goal as a burden, a chore, and my enthusiasm was revealed in this thinking. I either did what I "had" to do and then took a day or two off from this effort (and lost any progress) or I avoided it altogether. Only after switching my thoughts about the goals, to those in which I was creating a new habit, did I have that much-needed shift. This shift allowed for increased enthusiasm, an ease in completing a day's activities, and, finally, results.

See more articles on workplace success at my website: http://www.work-stress-solutions.com. You can purchase "101 Ways to Love Your Job" for $9.95 at Amazon.

Thinking about blogging something you know and love like I am? Use SBI! to turn that same knowledge or passion, having just as much fun, into an income of hundreds or thousands of dollars per month. Build an online business, like tens of thousands have done with SBI!.