The Cost of Stress

Courtesy of: EnMast.com

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Two Big Mistakes

I recently declared my New Year's resolution and it may surprise some, but not those that are frequent readers of my blog and website. I am resolved to embrace my imperfectness in 2014.

Perfection is something I've written about in the past, and mostly it amounts to one thing: self-hatred. I like to say that. And I say it often in my workshops. It's a bit of a slap, and it makes people pay attention to what I say next.

We spend a lot of time and money chasing perfection. We do it in the school system, in the workplace, with our families, to our bodies. It's an impossible standard, we know it, and yet we still think we can hit it if we just try a little harder and stay positive.

And then it happens. We sweat and strain and hide and pretend and even lie...so that we appear perfect and then we inevitably make a mistake. Next, our entire self-worth comes tumbling down---usually with an audience of perfectionistic-seekers---who are more than happy to shift the focus off of themselves and emphasize this fall from grace. Oh, for shame. You aren't perfect.

The author of "In Search for Excellence," Tom Peters, based his book on the research around risk taking, problem solving, decision making and mistakes. He found that if we take risks, stretch outside our comfort zone, try for something bigger and better, we will make two big mistakes a year. He followed big decision-makers around like CEOs and politicians and noted that those who used extensive research and problem solving techniques and strategic planning were still going to be playing the odds of fate or partial information or just simply not knowing what the future holds and would make two big mistakes a year.

What did he find when he followed and charted and studied those who played it safe, kept in their comfort zone, focused on what was known and sure? That these people would also make two mistakes a year. So the reader was urged to embrace these two mistakes, anticipate them even.

I think we would serve ourselves better by being ready for mistakes and put our energies into the correction when they come, rather than attempting perfection in the first place. The effort is enormous, the cost is dear and it doesn't work (in case that matters to anyone). Let the people in your workplaces and your homes know that you are a safe place for reporting mistakes. That you will participate in the clean-up. That you will not shame or blame when the inevitable happens, but instead use the energy to repair and rebuild what was damaged.

That's the recipe for trust and ensuring excellence. That's the recipe for emotionally healthy groups, companies and families. Excellence is possible. Better outcomes are out there. And they are far more likely to arise when people are calm and assured of support when they make a misstep rather then being ostracized, rejected and left alone to handle their imperfect humanness.

See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

ACIM: Bringing The Darkness To Light

Marianne Williamson helping you understand your shadow self:

ACIM: Bringing The Darkness To Light



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The 14 Habits of Highly Miserable People

I sincerely hope you will click through and read the entire article by Cloe Madanes, but just in case you can't take the time, here they are:

How to Succeed at Self-Sabotage:

1. Be afraid, be very afraid, of economic loss.
2. Practice sustained boredom.
3. Give yourself a negative identity.
4. Pick fights.
5. Attribute bad intentions.
6. Whatever you do, do it only for personal gain.
7. Avoid gratitude.
8. Always be alert and in a state of anxiety.
9. Blame your parents.
10. Don’t enjoy life’s pleasures.
11. Ruminate.
12. Glorify or vilify the past.
13. Find a romantic partner to reform.
14. Be critical.


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Some Motivational Posters for Work Stress Relief

These technically have nothing to do with work or career...right? You guys are too sophisticated to fall for that old-school view! Personal and professional can't be separated. One will always "inform" the other. Unhappy at work...unhappy at home and vice versa.

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Lazy Days Are Gone

Today, someone called me lazy. It was in one of the Facebook groups I'm in, so the person doesn't really know me, but it got me thinking. Lazy isn't possible. You want to know why?

Interest can't be manufactured. You're either interested in something or you are not. Now, we can definitely make it possible for you to FAKE interest a lot better than you are right now. This is done through praise or punishment; the carrot or the stick.

If you don't have a natural interest in coming into work every day at 8am, are you lazy? I'd say no. I'd call that normal. Regardless, the employer needs you there at 8am. So she ensures that happens UNnaturally by bribing you (giving you a salary). Otherwise, you'd never do it. And if you take that carrot and you still don't find the motivation to get there by 8am? Well...now it's time for the stick: You'll probably be written-up, punished, docked pay and even fired for not faking your interest better than you did.

But make no mistake: The word "lazy" is just another stick. It's meant to shame so that a person will act when they have no natural interest in the first place.

Don't fall for it (unless there's a good reason).

See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Keep Your Enemies Closer?

I have a friend that I met through Facebook. We've met in "real life" too and confirmed it. Yep. We're friends alright. She just posted this in one of the groups we are in...and it's really gorgeous. Thought I'd share it here and have you consider it the next time you have workplace conflict:

A Soulforce Credo About My Adversary

I believe that my adversary is also a child of the Creator, that we are both members of the same human family, that we are sisters and brothers in need of reconciliation.

I believe that my adversary is not my enemy, but a victim of misinformation as I have been.

I believe that my only task is to bring my adversary truth in love (nonviolence) relentlessly.

I believe that my adversary's motives are as pure as mine and of no relevance to our discussion.

I believe that even my worst adversary has an amazing potential for positive change.

I believe that my adversary may have an insight into truth that I do not have.

I believe that one day my adversary and I will understand each other and that if we conduct our search for truth guided by the principles of love, we will find a new position to satisfy us both.

~From http://soulforce.com/

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Anger Is Never Justified

"Anger is never justified." ~ A Course in Miracles - Foundation for Inner Peace

Now this is tricky...because anger is necessary, it's just not okay to express it or repress it. Expressing anger hurts others. Repressing it hurts you. It's a matter of choosing others over yourself when you "sit on it" (or eat it away, drink it away, smoke it away, etc.). Not okay with me. We get to choose ourselves as LEAST as much as we choose others. I'm quite sure God/dess would agree with that!

So, what to do? Well, anger is an invitation. Anger is a catalyst. Anger is self-protection in action. When you feel it, that's your cue to find what you REALLY want to express. It's the force inside you to dig deeper, go further, GROW and find the real response in you.

This may be sadness, it may be fear, it may be a request for someone to love you better. It's okay to share THESE. These are justified. You are justified.

Try it. Test it. See for yourself.

See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Being Right vs. Doing the Right Thing

'Being Right' and 'Doing the Right Thing' are not synonymous. In fact, to do the right thing often involves admitting you were wrong, apologizing, letting someone else take the credit and so on.

Doing the right thing is not about keeping score. It's about recognizing that the only truth worth living is, "Everybody wins or nobody wins." That's Bruce Springsteen's quote, and I'm sure he won't mind me using it here (esp. since I have dedicated my life to drooling over his album covers whenever time permits).

Anyway (straightens shirts and smooths hair), as I was saying.

Being right is a tragic thing to pursue. The school system enforced this horrible notion and it's high time we dropped it collectively. The right thing is: Did you learn the math? Being right is: Did you learn it on this date, for this test, and outmatch your peers in the proving of this learning?

What a lot of effort for no pay-off except self-congratulations. Because let's be clear: the right person is no fun to be around. Haven't you noticed the lack of lunch companions?

See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Cool or Kind?

You can be kind or you can be cool. Those are the choices. There is no overlap between these choices. Don't kid yourself. You cannot choose cool and think you can somehow turn it into kind. It won't work. Try it. Test it. See for yourself.

If you choose cool, you will then have to move into one of two other choices: Victim or Bully. Will you recoil from the bite you receive from another also playing the cool option and then blame him for doing what you were doing too? Or will you dominate that cool player successfully and smack him down with finesse and cunning?

If you choose kind, you have only one choice remaining: love. The outcome of the exchange will result in love between the two of you. Every single time. Try it. Test it. See for yourself.

See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.