The Cigarette Break: Why Taking One is Excellent Stress Management

The title certainly got you “clicking through” to see what I meant, didn’t it?

But I am sincere in this advice. I DO think a cigarette break is a good way to relieve stress. Especially at work. I can almost hear the non-smokers cursing and the smokers cheering in the background. So let me break this down a little and be clear and specific about what I mean.


First, let’s breakdown, in detail, what a cigarette break entails:

1. You physically remove yourself from your work station and go outside.

A perfect stress management technique. Leave the artificial lighting and air; the electronic screens emitting radiation and the ringing phones, and get into nature (even if that’s mostly concrete). Just removing ourselves from this strange, but accepted, environ is immeasurably helpful to the psyche.


2. You bring a smoke-buddy to join you.


This isn’t always the case with the smoke break, but more often than not, we have one person who joins us during this activity. While we are heading down the elevators, and then standing outside for about seven (7) minutes (the time it takes to smoke an average cigarette), we are likely venting all the way. “He’s driving me crazy!” or “I can’t take another email!” Often enough, our smoke-buddy either makes us feel better by agreeing or gives us some sound advice. Sounds like free therapy to me.


Added Bonus: These smoke-friends are usually keeping our smoke-confessions to themselves too. Otherwise, we wouldn’t keep asking them to join us. And FRIENDS are one of the best de-stressors there is. In fact, someone with a best friend at work is reported to be nine times happier with their job than someone with no friendships in the workplace.


3. Take several deep breaths in and out.


Well, aside from the noxious, and possibly carcinogenic, fumes this IS a tried-and-true stress management technique.


4. Repeat about three times a day.


So we are talking about 21 minutes in a given workday --with most smokers heading outside to manage their stress a total of three times. Non-smokers carry on about all the time spent away from their workstation.

But they are just jealous, because the smokers come back relaxed and talked-out and the non-smokers (usually EX-smokers who wish they still smoked, but are in denial) rant and rave, and increase their stress, by saying: “We don’t get to take a break because we don’t smoke. Not fair!!”


But this is where the smokers and non-smokers will finally come together in this article. Why aren’t the non-smokers doing this? The non-smoking population has every legal right to walk away from their workstation and fortify themselves with the following:


See 1-4 above and remove cigarette from instructions.


Smokers aren’t crazy, after all. Just kinda stinky.

Read more Work Stress Articles here.

Videos to Change Your Thinking (and, therefore, your life)

I didn't become a writer, trainer and coach in a vacuum. The things I know and share with others were provided for me through many different avenues. Two important teachers in my life are easily accessed online and are absolutely free. So, as always, I share what makes my life work with you....


UnAsleep is one to watch. She has shifted my thinking so deeply, I hardly recognize my Old Self. And if you aren't familiar with TED, you are missing out on a RICH resource of powerful people sharing multiple resources of life-changing information.


I have provided two videos from UnAsleep and TED here, that I feel will benefit most of my readers. Please let me/us know what you think of these in the comments section.

The Option Method (How to Change Your Mind)

To get in touch with our stress and the thoughts that create this stress, we must begin by removing the layers of beliefs from which the stress originates. This is an easy and painless process when we use the Option Method* questions.


The first question:
“What am I unhappy/stressed about?”

Personalize this question. Substitute the words unhappy or stressed in this question for ones that best expresses the bad feeling you have that you would like to change.

For instance, you may be feeling worried about something. If so, you would ask yourself, “What am I worried about?” Clarify your answer. Narrow it down. If, for example, your initial answer to the first question is something like, “I’m stressed about my job,” that is a very broad answer. You need to narrow it down and be as specific as possible.

The closer you get to the core of your feelings, the closer you come to you shifting your thinking about the situation. The second Option question will help you to do that.


The second question:
“What is it about that, that makes me unhappy/stressed?”

Using the previous example of “worrying about my job”, you would now ask yourself, “What is it about my job that I am worried?” Be as specific as possible. There are other ways of asking this question, such as, “What about my job worries (bothers, frightens, angers, saddens) me the most?” Your answer may be something like “I know that I don’t take care of myself enough. I worry too much I’m going to become sick if keep this up.”

Another way to ask this question might be, “If that were to happen, what would I be most afraid of?” or “If that were to happen, what would be the worst thing about it?” In other words, “If I were to lose my job, what would be the worst thing about that?”

Remember the answers to these questions are as diverse as we are. The purpose of the questions is to help you get in touch with your reasons. This brings us to the next Option question.


The third question:
“Why am I unhappy/stressed about that?”

You ask yourself this question when you are satisfied that you have clearly identified, to the best of your ability, what it is specifically that is bothering you the most at this time.

It is a simple question, but let’s make sure you understand it. “Why” means “for what reason.” This is one of the most important questions you may ever ask yourself. This question prompts you to recognize that you have your own very personal reason for feeling the way you feel.

Often we get so caught up in our emotions that we have completely forgotten we are not actually feeling this way against our will. This wonderful, simple question gives you a renewed opportunity to begin your own self-awareness about the thoughts you continue to have habitually throughout the day.

To apply this question to our example you would ask, “Why am I worried about losing my job?” In other words, “What is my reason for worrying about becoming unemployed?” or “What would I be afraid of or what would it mean to me if I were out of work?” At some point you will find yourself feeling as if you don’t know why, that you just always have been unhappy/stressed about it, or it would seem natural to be unhappy under such circumstances.

Perhaps you are not aware of any reason. You may feel somewhat dumb struck or stuck. This is a natural phenomenon that takes place as we become more aware of our thoughts and not just accept these thoughts as fact. At this time we are on the threshold of self mastery/mastery of our thoughts. When this happens, it is time to move on to the fourth question.

The fourth question:
“What am I afraid it would mean if I were not unhappy about that?”

Another way of asking this question is, “What am I afraid would happen if I were not unhappy/stressed about that?” This is an extraordinary question, one you may very well have never heard before. Repeat it a few times.

You may at first simply feel that this a ridiculous question and that’s natural, but let this question into your mind and soak it in for a minute. Your initial response may be something like, “Well, it wouldn’t mean anything, I’d just be happy.” If so, you’re not really asking yourself the question. Ask again. You see, since nothing has been actually forcing you to feel the way you don’t like to feel, then up until now you must have had a reason for feeling this way.

Until now, you have not exposed or questioned your reasons. You have assumed someone else’s belief, affirmed it and re-created it as your own. When? It does not matter. What truly matters now is that through this question you decide on your own what is true for you and what is not.

Once again, embrace the question: “What am I afraid it would mean if I were not unhappy/stressed about that?”

After you have written down or spoken aloud your answer you will be ready for the final Option question. Take your time. Be satisfied with your answer. If you’re feeling a bit confused or uncertain, go back to the first question. It’s impossible to get lost on your own path or to do this incorrectly. Use the questions as a tool, a flashlight, to light the pathway back to your personal truth.


Be patient with yourself. You have spent a lifetime establishing and developing beliefs that you have never questioned in this way before. The Option questions, though seemingly simple, are new and foreign to you. Don’t rush it.

You may answer this question with something like, “It would mean I didn’t care,” or “It would mean I was crazy.” Or to use our example, you may answer, “If I wasn’t worried about losing my job I’m afraid that I wouldn’t do anything to ensure I keep my boss happy or improve the situation.” This answer shows how you are preferring and choosing to be worried because if you weren’t it would mean you wouldn’t take care of yourself. These kinds of beliefs are at the core of all unhappiness.

See the Final Option Method Question.

Thoughts Become Things

Do you want to know why you feel stressed most of the time?

I've done the reading. I've done the work. I KNOW what makes you (and me) feel stress, discomfort, anxiety, nervous, upset, angry, irritated...call it what you want.

Bottom line: You're not happy.

You can treat your unhappiness like a speck of dust that's on the projector screen in front of you. Every time the picture changes, the speck of dust is now on something else, something different. Or...you can direct your attention to where the speck of dust actually resides: on the camera lens.

What you THINK creates the way you FEEL. You don't have a feeling and then have a thought about it. It's exactly the other way around.

You can change the environment, the people in your life, your body, your bank account. YOU CAN get these "specks of dust" to shift and move and maybe improve. But, just like the changing scenes in a movie, it won't last.

So, let's go for the pay dirt here. You have to wipe off the speck of dust on the camera lens...and that means change your mind from thinking what you think.

Most of our thoughts are just theories. Is this what's happening? Could he have meant this? What was that look about? Will this traffic make me late? Will this outfit impress them? What will happen if that bill passes the House? It's all just conjecture. And very little of it is factual.

Think of thoughts as specks of dust...blow them away...and put 'theories' in place that make you feel mellow, calm, at peace.

How?

First, always ask yourself if the thought you are having is 100% truth. Can you know without a shadow of a doubt that "the traffic will make me late"? Then what are you doing? Do you think that by being stressed and tense you will make the traffic move faster? If so, then ask yourself again, "Is this 100% truth?" Is it absolutely true that you will be late? That your tension will be communicated to other drivers and you will move the traffic along?

Another way to change your mind and therefore your emotion is to turn your stressful thought around completely. The reverse is almost ALWAYS true too, if not truer.

An Example

So back to our traffic theory. "The traffic will make me late." The exact opposite is, "The traffic will not make me late." It's just as likely. You can't see into the future. And if we are being 100% truthful here, isn't your late departure the reason you are possibly running late? And you do have control over that...at least the next time.

Post these somewhere like your bathroom mirror or car dashboard:

-Is it 100% truth?

-What is the exact opposite (and is that just as true or truer?)

Here's to feeling pretty darn good...starting right now. It's just a thought away.

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Oops. You Did It Again

Everyone has blurted out an insensitive comment, slipped and told a secret we were asked to keep, or completely forgot an important appointment. Why do we do this?

The Johari Window is an excellent model for providing us with immediate insight into why we do what we do.

Named for its creators, Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham - the Johari Window is a useful tool for understanding and integrating misunderstood or unknown parts of ourselves. The Four Panes of the Johari Window represent the four parts of Self.

The First Pane is often called the Public Self or Arena. A self-aware person has a large Public Self crowding out the other panes and making them smaller in comparison. This person understands why she acts the way she does and is genuine and open with others.

The Second Pane is often called The Blind Spot. The "blind" quadrant represents things that you know about me, but that I am unaware of.

The Third Pane represents the Hidden Self and it holds what is known to us but kept hidden from others. This hidden or avoided self represents information and feelings not revealed or kept secret from others.

Lastly, the fourth pane is Unconscious. This area is unseen by everyone, including ourselves. The more we can access here, the less likely we will sabotage our true interests by saying things we don't wish to say or undermining our own value system.

For more details (and a free assessment) read the article on my site.

Emotional Stress and Your Key Relationships

When we say "yes" to our key relationships, or roles, in our lives we may not see just how much time and effort these agreements will take until we are well into them. Too many and we create emotional stress. Too few relationships and we have too little support during crisis.

Much of the behavioral science available today suggests strongly that 5-7 key roles is the MOST anyone can handle and still be effective. More than seven, and you start to erode trust...whether you mean to or not. This is where emotional stress starts (and ends).

Why 5-7 Relationships?

Every relationship you have will end. Yes, end. Whether through natural growth by one or the other party, moving away, retirement, accepting a new position, divorce or death...your relationships will ALL end.

So, if you have less than five, you will find yourself with too many eggs in one basket at some point in your life. Your support system is too narrow, and will crumble (at least for a time) when one of your "eggs" is removed. More than seven? You can't possibly juggle this many roles and do them all well. One or more will take a hit. The optimal number of relationships/roles to ensure low emotional stress is, therefore, five to seven.

How Do I Decide Who Stays and Who Goes?

This determination may take time. But you must make some cuts if you have more than seven key roles in your life. Here's my example of my key relationships. This may help you see where you have said "yes" to too many roles (and why you are currently stressed):

NOTE: These ARE NOT in order of importance. They are presumed to ALL be important.

Employee
Parent
Friend
Self (which includes the Spiritual)
Daughter/Family of Origin
Significant Other
Small Business Owner

Looks like I'm finished. Notice these are roles or titles. There may be several PEOPLE attached to these roles.

Under "employee" for instance, I have:

*a boss
*a few departmental peers
*end-users (classroom participants) that receive my services

The questions to ask yourself, when determining WHO is in your key role-relationship is:

*Does my effectiveness increase when this relationship is in good shape?

*Does my effectiveness decrease when this relationship is neglected?

It does NOT matter if you LIKE this person. What matters is your effectiveness. Will your role be one of high quality, and integrity, if this relationship is in good repair? Or will it suffer if this relationship is struggling? TRUST is what you need to build here; not approval or friendship (though these are nice-to-have's and often come from ensuring trust is present).

You need people. And people need you. But TOO MANY obligations in this area is such a significant stressor, that you will HARM relationships when you take on too many. This isn't about character or getting organized. It's true for everyone. You must start saying 'no' to certain roles you play, to give the ones that matter the time and attention they need.

Go to Mental Stress
Go to Spiritual Stress
Go to Physical Stress

Are You in Your Own Way?

Researchers tell us that only about 10% of our beliefs are in our conscious awareness. Want to know what you believe? Look at your current life. Are you wealthy? Are you healthy? Are you happy? If not, you have likely just stumbled on the hidden 90% of your belief system.

No one consciously believes they shouldn't have it all. But the evidence speaks for itself. Part of us also knows on some level that we think we should be penalized for:

• past mistakes
• not working hard enough
• why us instead of them?

Get out of your own way. These conflicting beliefs are holding you (and me and her) back. Reconcile these attitudes with subconscious suggestion. Yes---self-hypnosis.

Read over 500 ways you may be tripping yourself up....

How to Be in the "Now" - wikiHow

How to Be in the "Now" - wikiHow

Stress and Work Relationships

The Four Human Needs include the physical, emotional, the intellectual and spiritual. Let's focus on ....

Emotional/Social

We are pack animals. Many of us (introverts) prefer spending a lot of time alone, but we get VERY WEIRD (not to get too technical about it) when we spend day after day alone. We need interaction with others for proper brain function. Work provides plenty of this, of course, but it provides much more than just social stimulation.

Current studies are showing employers that office friendships have a direct correlation to employee satisfaction. Where once employers shunned group lunches and socializing after hours, we now know that this reduces turnover and markedly lowers stress levels in employees.

Moreover, we go through divorces, babies, deaths of parents, marriages and many other human experiences with our co-workers. Baby showers and birthday lunches are a normal part of office interaction today.

All of this meets (significantly meets) our social and emotional needs as humans. So, once again, we can check this off our list and be thankful for our workplace commutes and even see office politics in a new light.

More on the Four Human Needs

Spiritual Stress

What is "Spirituality" and Why Would It Cause Stress?


What does it mean to have spiritual stress? How do we meet our spiritual needs?

How do you know if you are spiritual?

I live in the southeast region of the United States. For the most part, this area is very Protestant Christian. Very. And many of my co-citizens follow a strict path of Christianity. But, I would offer, it is not always a spiritual experience for them.

Religion and spirituality CAN be found together. The litmus test is whether you find yourself with an emotional (or metaphorical) lump in your throat. 'Are you moved?' is the question on the table.

If you find comfort in your religious tradition, are following this religion because your parents did, believe it is the right thing to do because you have children...well...you are not meeting this fourth human need. You are meeting something important, but it is not spirituality...probably.

I will not provide links here, or suggest sites for you to explore my own spiritual path. That is your business. But I will caution you about misunderstanding this need and believing you are filling it, every Sunday at 11am, and still finding yourself stressed and unfulfilled.

It isn't a judgment, it is about what will work and what will not. Surely anyone's god would want you to follow the laws of the Universe that it/he/she created?

But maybe of tantamount importance to me, and my work, is that you understand that your relationship with yourself is found here, in this spiritual pursuit. You and Your God are found in the same space. How close you are with yourself, how much you trust yourself, how you forgive yourself, how you fortify yourself...are all found in this fourth need.

So, a very private journey. And one that cannot be provided by a list of bullets or an article. My only instruction is that you recognize that dogma and discipline are NOT the tools to be used here, in this particular section. I would offer that this need can be met in church, but may also be met through inspirational reading, meditation, yoga, walks in nature and is as varied as we are. The only requirement is that you be:

Moved.
Changed instantly.
In awe.

These are the measures for meeting your spiritual needs.

See more on the "Four Human Needs"