I recently declared my New Year's resolution and it may surprise some, but not those that are frequent readers of my blog and website. I am resolved to embrace my imperfectness in 2014.
Perfection is something I've written about in the past, and mostly it amounts to one thing: self-hatred. I like to say that. And I say it often in my workshops. It's a bit of a slap, and it makes people pay attention to what I say next.
We spend a lot of time and money chasing perfection. We do it in the school system, in the workplace, with our families, to our bodies. It's an impossible standard, we know it, and yet we still think we can hit it if we just try a little harder and stay positive.
And then it happens. We sweat and strain and hide and pretend and even lie...so that we appear perfect and then we inevitably make a mistake. Next, our entire self-worth comes tumbling down---usually with an audience of perfectionistic-seekers---who are more than happy to shift the focus off of themselves and emphasize this fall from grace. Oh, for shame. You aren't perfect.
The author of "In Search for Excellence," Tom Peters, based his book on the research around risk taking, problem solving, decision making and mistakes. He found that if we take risks, stretch outside our comfort zone, try for something bigger and better, we will make two big mistakes a year. He followed big decision-makers around like CEOs and politicians and noted that those who used extensive research and problem solving techniques and strategic planning were still going to be playing the odds of fate or partial information or just simply not knowing what the future holds and would make two big mistakes a year.
What did he find when he followed and charted and studied those who played it safe, kept in their comfort zone, focused on what was known and sure? That these people would also make two mistakes a year. So the reader was urged to embrace these two mistakes, anticipate them even.
I think we would serve ourselves better by being ready for mistakes and put our energies into the correction when they come, rather than attempting perfection in the first place. The effort is enormous, the cost is dear and it doesn't work (in case that matters to anyone). Let the people in your workplaces and your homes know that you are a safe place for reporting mistakes. That you will participate in the clean-up. That you will not shame or blame when the inevitable happens, but instead use the energy to repair and rebuild what was damaged.
That's the recipe for trust and ensuring excellence. That's the recipe for emotionally healthy groups, companies and families. Excellence is possible. Better outcomes are out there. And they are far more likely to arise when people are calm and assured of support when they make a misstep rather then being ostracized, rejected and left alone to handle their imperfect humanness.
See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.
