Mo' Money Ain't It

The other day I was driving around and pulled into the drive-thru at McDonald's for some breakfast. I only wanted one Egg McMuffin. I realized I had NO CASH, which is completely normal for me these days, and asked if I could use my debit card for such a small amount. Of course!

I work downtown and have many a panhandler asking for spare change. I tell them, "Seriously, dude, I only have plastic."

I also remember as a kid hearing that in the 2000s (enter Twilight Zone music) we would just scan a bar code or some tattoo on our arm and this would reveal how much money we had or "credit" or "energy" to complete the transaction. There would be no money. And with the above examples, we are practically there.

All of these new technologies have come to be for our convenience, sure, but it is also opening up another dimension for me and my relationship with money. Money is just paper. Dirty paper at that. But most of us invest a LOT of emotional baggage into this paper. And it's the main reason we work.

I realized with the need to only carry one thin piece of plastic, that my money is really just an idea. It's the proof that I contributed a certain amount of energy, time, talent and left something better off than I found it; and that gave me what I needed in return: food, clothing and shelter and a little entertainment now and again.

I wonder if we start to see our jobs as really nothing more than this (energy in, energy out) it would allow some of the political and emotional angst to drop away? My entire website is designed to help you with this angst. But perhaps this one thought (that you need refuge from the elements and food and your employer is in some way--however indirectly-- providing that to the larger community and needs your help to do it) is really all there is to it.

Martha Beck said in a quote that I keep posted to my computer, "Only strive to earn enough money to do your life's work. Anything additional is unnecessary." And that may at first make you nervous...but if you sit with it for a moment, you'll see that's completely true.

If we are focused on "How much more money will this bring me?" instead of "Am I giving what I'm getting?", then we will never feel whole. It isn't about money, then, it's about something else.

Money isn't the root of all evil or the source of peace. Money is just paper. Money is just energy that we trade with others. And we have jobs to earn that energy...it's really nothing more complicated than that.


See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Videos to Change Your Thinking (and, therefore, your life)

I didn't become a writer, trainer and coach in a vacuum. The things I know and share with others were provided for me through many different avenues. Two important teachers in my life are easily accessed online and are absolutely free. So, as always, I share what makes my life work with you....


UnAsleep is one to watch. She has shifted my thinking so deeply, I hardly recognize my Old Self. And if you aren't familiar with TED, you are missing out on a RICH resource of powerful people sharing multiple resources of life-changing information.


I have provided two videos from UnAsleep and TED here, that I feel will benefit most of my readers. Please let me/us know what you think of these in the comments section.

#43 of the 101 Ways to Love Your Job

Feeling Inferior: It's Your Choice

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

No doubt you have seen this famous quote before, but I'd like to explore this further from the perspective of why we give that consent to feel inferior. There are a couple of generally accepted rules-of-thumb on why we get our buttons pushed---although these reasons may, well, push your buttons. The first reason is:

Consider the source.

The person who has criticized you matters to you. You respect them or like them or feel they have some kind of influence over your life, and their comments are taken seriously. If this were not the case, you would not take the words to heart. Here's an example:

If my spouse said, "Those are funny-looking earrings," I would probably feel hurt. If the neighbor's two-year-old child came over and said, "Those are funny-looking earrings," I would weigh the comment and consider the source:

-This is a little kid I hardly know and have no significant relationship with.
-He doesn't have a strong command of the English language yet, so he may have meant "amusing" or "fun" instead of "funny."
-Generally, though there may be some exceptions to the rule here, I don't find that two-year-old children have exquisite taste in jewelry.

Therefore, the truth of whether my earrings are actually funny-looking or fantastic is not the point. The point is the source of the comment. I give my consent to feel badly, inferior, angry, or some other unpleasant sensation based on the source of the comment rather than the reality of the comment.

See my website for more ways to lower work stress (Work Stress Solutions.Com)

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#42 of The 101 Ways to Love Your Job

Perfection Repaired

When you set perfection as the standard for all of your objectives, you are being unnecessarily harsh on yourself. You deny yourself the reality that you can only become better when you are allowed to try new things, take risks, and make mistakes. The necessity of self-acceptance becomes impossible, and this lack of acceptance is used as a barometer for others' performance as well.

If you are deeply ingrained in the perfectionist mindset, then this information is probably being discounted by you. I urge you to just notice the possibility that you may be causing yourself unnecessary wear and tear by striving to achieve a standard that no one but you insists on. Read the following suggestions and select one to keep in mind for the following week.

*Remember that you have a distinct and unique contribution. Stop comparing yourself to others.

*Develop your own style and preferences instead of following another person's way.

*Stop analyzing every interaction/conversation you have with important others.

*Accept the fact that sometimes you will make poor decisions and that you will learn from them.

*Remember : perfection is not possible for humans!!


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#40 of the 101 Ways to Love Your Job

Dealing with Failure: Neither Fatal nor Final

For some, writing or journaling produces nothing but a groan. If you are not the writing type, there are still some ways to effectively process a mistake, a misstep, or an outright failure.

Talk to someone.

Make sure you respect and trust this individual or it may make matters worse. A trust confidante with a good head on his shoulders is invaluable. What talking does is takes the monster out of your head, just like the journaling suggestion in the previous post. Some of us are visual and would prefer to write it out (and some of us may be more private than others). Others are more verbal and also benefit from a different perspective. Either way, you will get a better handle on the failure.

Lather, rinse, repeat as needed.

Lather: Mourn the failure (as in, get in a lather).

Rinse: Cleanse yourself mentally and emotionally by getting the failure into a manageable size (see previous tip).

Repeat as needed: Or more accurately---DON'T repeat. Promise yourself you'll learn from this mistake and not do it again. Or really try to find what the reason for this failure may have been...what lesson did you learn?

When I feel like I have failed, I read a quote I have posted near me at all times: "This, too, shall pass." Trite? Take time to think about the words you have heard so many times before. The failure, the humiliation of the failure, will ultimately pass with time. You will not and cannot stay in this moment. Consider failure from the past: doesn't it seem less important now? Maybe even funny? At least it got you to where you are today. Can't deny that!

If all else fails (sorry), ask yourself, "In five years, will this really matter?" Works like a charm!

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts." ~Winston Churchill

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#39 of the 101 Ways to Love Your Job

Dealing with Failure: Get out of Your Head and on Paper

Processing a negative emotion or dealing with something like a failure is easy to say (or write), but how exactly is it done? Are we supposed to scream into a pillow? Go to a therapist? Develop a thicker skin? I have found one technique in particular helps me deal with the hard times in life. I have used this technique off and on for many years. The more I do it, the more at ease I am. Try it and see if you don't find it a little easier to pick yourself back up the next time you fail.

Journal.

Journaling is a great way to get the "monster" out of your head and onto something more manageable---paper. Journaling is not the same as keeping a diary. Journaling's purpose: When we keep our thoughts in our head, they become larger, more abstract, more intense. By putting the thoughts on paper, you can read back your notes and see that things aren't quite as bad as you thought. (Though they will be bad, as this is a failure, not a success!).

To journal, just take your thoughts and write them ALL down. Don't edit yourself, worry about spelling or punctuation, or worry that another will see your entry. A journaling session may read like: "Today I really blew it. I am so embarrassed, and frankly I am a little worried about my job security. I wish I hadn't done it, but it's too late now. Hey, it's cold in here. Anyway, I would like to just stick my head in the sand and float away and never have to see anyone at work ever again. The phone is ringing---I'm going to ignore it...." and so on.

The rule of thumb for a proper journaling session is : write for three handwritten pages. That's 8.5 x 11 pages. Write for the front and back of one page, and the front of another. This is how long you need to really process the failure. Writing by hand is also a way to slow down and reflect and use the right and left sides of the brain (creative meets logical). There is a ton of research that suggests that writing gets everything involved---facts and emotions--as opposed to when you just type it all into a computer.

You may find that you even come up with some fixes (or at least get the courage to apologize or some other seemingly impossible action). It's not the purpose of journaling, but it is often a benefit.

Now for the real fun: take the pieces of paper, light them on fire, and flush them down the toilet. Worried about starting a fire? You can just tear them up into tiny pieces and flush them instead. The flushing of your troubles is great symbolism and ensures that no one sees your thoughts.

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#38 of the 101 Ways to Love Your Job

Dealing with Failure

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." ~George Bernard Shaw

There are few of us out there that are at peace when faced with a failure. Failure is scary, embarrassing, sometimes expensive, and can make "getting back up" more difficult with each additional failed attempt. Hey! Feeling motivated and downright perky?? Well, let's see if I can turn this segment around a little and put a different spin on failure.

You have probably seen statements on failure that sound something like this:

~You never make the shots you don't take.
~Thomas Edison created 99 different versions of the light bulb before he made one that worked.
~The Chinese character for "failure" also means "opportunity."

But his knowledge all sounds a little "pie in the sky" when you are the one who has failed. Before I offer some constructive tools for dealing with failure, I'd like to emphasize that "failure" is self-defined. What may appear to be a failure to everyone you know* may only mean to you that you need to refine the process, practice more, learn from your mistakes, etc. Conversely, what may seem like no big deal to others may seem devastating to you. Regardless, if you identify a failure on your part, there are few things you can do, except "try, try again," as they say. But how do you get the energy or the nerve to try again?

*(I submitted some version of this book to publishers six time over a 7-year span and was rejected--or failed--each time. Failure is only final if you stop trying).

Mourn the Failure.

It's rarely effective to try to fool yourself that you didn't goof. When we deny a problem, it comes to life; when we acknowledge it, it dies. By admitting you made a mistake, screwed up, fell on your face, that it's not someone else's fault, ONLY THEN can the process of getting over it begin.

Anger, crying, self-flagellation, brooding...whatever your version of processing a negative emotion, will allow you to mourn your disappointment in yourself. Note: if you process negative emotion by eating for comfort, drinking, or taking it out on others...that's not processing emotion, but transferring it/avoiding it. Do the work! Remember this famous saying, "The only way out is through."

Then what?

Dissect the cause.

Now that you have mentally and emotionally processed the pain of failing, look at what the cause of the failure may have been and how to avoid it in the future. After all, learning from your mistake is just about the only silver lining.

More on dealing with failure in the next post!

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#37 of the 101 Ways to Love Your Job

To Err is Human

By being willing to demonstrate through your words and actions that talking about, and learning from, mistakes is a necessary part of long-term career success, you allow others to share their experiences, too. It takes STRENGTH to admit that you are not perfect. It takes KINDNESS to share your humanness with another who is in dire need of direction during a painful time. And finally, it takes KNOWLEDGE to provide the information the coworker needs to repair or improve when she has "made a wrong turn."

Show others that it is okay to be human, make mistakes, and learn from them. Pretending to be perfect never taught anyone anything, except to be closed off from others and hide who they really are. I doubt we will find the latter behavior under the heading "great leadership."

Look for ways to help others who are struggling today. When someone comes to you with a problem, share your own similar experience and how you overcame it. Use your painful memories as a way to help someone out of a situation that is causing them pain today.

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#36 of the 101 Ways to Love Your Job

Errors are Great Teachers

Appearing perfect, strong, and all-knowing doesn't serve your coworkers nearly as well as showing them then you, too, have made mistakes and have worked through them. In fact, I would suggest that withholding your "trials and tribulations" from others who are in need of counsel is very close to arrogance. You may get to feel superior momentarily, but in the end, you have not acted from a superior place. You have robbed someone of the information they need to learn, grow, and perhaps pass on the same wisdom when someone comes to them with a similar problem. Even in the worst case scenario, you will provide comfort to others by showing that you, too, have made mistakes and that they are not alone.

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#35 of the 101 Ways to Love Your Job

Embarrassment at Work

If you can truly say that you have never been embarrassed, hurt, criticized, or make a mistake in the workplace, then how can you be a resource to teach or assist others when they experience these situations? Without experiencing professional anxiety, doubt, stress, rejection, and other uncomfortable (or downright painful) moments personally, then by definition you would be unable to give accurate, useful, and clear direction to others when they experience similar issues. You have no idea what they are going through; therefore, you cannot act as a resource for providing insight out of these dilemmas.

If you've never ridden a bike, how can you teach someone else? Ironically, the one thing we have in common as coworkers (and as humans) is our imperfections. And yet we spend endless energy keeping these painful memories hidden from each other. The very thing that could teach another or help someone through a difficult time (i.e., understanding exactly what they are going through and advising them on how you got through the same situation) is something we rarely share.

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#33 of 101 Ways to Love Your Job

Pride Keeps Prejudice Company

Another Coveyism that ties prejudice to pride: "When we argue, we are fighting for our weaknesses." It took me a long time to understand what this quote was saying. When we are not willing to be open to another point of view--when we are sure we are right--we are actually fighting to keep our limitations in place. If you find yourself right this minute thinking, 'I am not the person she is talking to in this [blog entry]," you are fighting to keep your prejudice.

When we become defensive after receiving feedback or argue with someone over our opinions on a matter, we are fighting to not have our minds changed. We are fighting to keep our current mindset in place. As you can probably figure out, this will ultimately make you obsolete. "Fight for your weaknesses and you get to keep them," is another way to look at it.

Today, I ask that you open up to this possibility. What does becoming aware of our biases look like? How do we know when we are "there"?

The answer? When we can see that everyone has both shortcomings and strengths. Everyone (including ourselves) makes mistakes and creates successes. Knowing that we all want to be able to pay our bills easily, enjoy leisure time, and create something meaningful at work---no matter our physical form or current circumstances--is the goal.

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#31 of the 101 Ways to Love Your Job

Organizing and Time Management

"Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging-on to an uncompleted task."

~William James

Tips for time management and organization:

1. Focus on starting tasks rather than finishing them. The greatest challenge is taking the first step and getting started. It feels good to finally get moving toward a project you've been dreading. See each step as starting something new (not working toward finishing).

2. Every day, something unexpected is going to happen. Count on it. Schedule "Oops!" time.

3. Think on paper, not in your head. Writing things down minimizes confusion and stress. Write down goals, to-do list, and even problems. Why keep all this in your head? What an effort!

4. Get a spiral notebook, date it, and keep all your notes in that book. Quit writing on loose papers that tend to get lost and shuffled endlessly.

5. When you find your scheduled "Oops!" time wasn't needed (#2) , use the down time to clear out your files. I have exhumed desks with files dating back 8-10 years! Surely, these pieces of ancient paper weren't being kept for regular review. We just stop seeing the clutter after awhile.

6. More on throwing away. Ask yourself, "What is the worst thing that could happen if I throw this away?" Most of the time, you can live with your answer. Most of the time, if it really was important, you can get a replacement.

7. If throwing papers away really makes you nervous, create a drawer or file to store your stuff for ninety days. If you have not used it with ninety days, you can safely throw those "keepers" away.

"What's man's best friend (besides the dog)? The wastebasket!"

~Business Week Magazine


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#27 of the 101 Ways to Love Your Job

ANXIETY RELIEF: Think Clearly and Create Calm

"The best way to turn anxiety into confidence is this: Be clear. Clarity is the antidote to anxiety. If you do nothing else, be clear."

--Marcus Buckingham, First Break All the Rules

This teaching complements the last entry, as well as the second habit of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Dr. Stephen Covey's bestseller. The second habit is "Begin with the End in Mind." This habit states that everything we do is created first in the mind. If we are unclear about our objectives or our goals, then the outcome will be inconsistent or vague, just like our thinking.

This reality is especially important for those who supervise others. If we are unclear about our expectations, then our directions are anxiety-provoking. If we give unclear messages to people (upbeat one day, grouchy the next), then we produce anxiety in others.

Decide to simplify your goals and your behavior. Be clear in your thinking. If you are conducting a meeting today, don't clutter your mind with thoughts like :

"Okay, I have to get all these things covered and then let others ask questions. If I make sure I race through this part, then maybe we'll end on time. I gotta make sure that I talk to Mary afterward about that other thing. Are there enough chairs in here? What about....?"

Instead, simplify, be clear. It may sound like:

"I have the agenda items I need to cover and there is enough time to gather questions. The purpose of the meeting is to convey this information and ensure everyone is clear before we end the meeting."

Imagine the difference in stress, anxiety, and confidence when you compare this to the first internal thought. By simply stating over and over again your one (maybe two) sentence objective instead of letting your mind race, you will naturally focus on only those things that get you closer to your goal.

101 Ways to Love Your Job is available on Amazon.Com or your local bookseller.

My website has LOTS of free resources for lowering work stress. Check it out.

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#24 of the 101 Ways to Love Your Job

Never Say Never

When using the power of our thoughts, it is critical that the use of any negative language be avoided. Words like no, never, can't, won't, shouldn't, not are simply not "heard" by the subconscious.

The reason the subconscious does not hear negatives is that it works with images only. To test this concept, say this to yourself, "I will not eat potato chips." What is the first IMAGE in your mind? I know it's a picture of you eating potato chips. That is what popped into my head, too. The same is true for all of us. "I will not go bankrupt." Immediately you see yourself destitute and homeless. That negative image is what the subconscious thinks you want to create.

Whenever you hear yourself thinking or speaking negatively (even jokingly), change that thought right then and there. Erase that programming and replace it with the image you want to achieve. "I am not poor" is replaced with "I am financially comfortable." Even if your conscious mind cringes at such a bold-faced lie, the image that pops into your head is of a financially successful you. That image is what the subconscious attaches itself to.

Eventually, your conscious mind will catch up.

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#23 of the 101 Ways to Love Your Job

Let's Talk About Me

Now notice your "makes me" self-talk. "Makes me" is an example of language that is not self-responsible. It sends a message to yourself and the rest of us that you are NOT someone to be reckoned with. Examples include:

"Jane makes me so mad."
"Dogs make me nervous."
"He makes me uncomfortable."

Watch your language this week. It really does make a difference in productivity, credibility, and stress levels. Remember what English poet John Dryden said: "We first make our habits, then our habits make us." This is a powerful realization. Our thoughts are habits (sometimes called "scripts"), but they are habits we created.

That means we can break them, too.

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See my website for more articles on work and work stress. Work Stress Solutions.Com.

#17 of the 101 Ways to Love Your Job

Affirmations Work

Affirmations must be stated as if they are already true.

It is common error to state something like, "I will be promoted soon," or, "I want to be financially comfortable." Unfortunately, what this language creates is the state of wanting to be promoted, but not actually being promoted. So instead, you will always want vs. actually attaining your goal.

State the affirmation as if it is already true. In the above examples, an effective affirmation would be: "I am doing things to get promoted every day," or, "I am making choices that lead to financial comfort." A good test of an affirmation is whether if feels like a lie. If it does, then you are doing it right. I know this sounds strange, but if you don't smoke and you decide to create an affirmation like, "I am smoke-free," then where's the work? Where's the change? By definition, you aren't there yet, so it should be untrue (for now).

Affirmations take about 28 days before you start seeing results.

This is also the time it takes to change a habit. There is something in the subconscious that just holds on to our old way of doing things. Many experts feels this 21-28 day cycle is a survival tool held over from our ancestors. The subconscious is trying to do us a favor by creating autopilot responses to free our minds for higher thinking. Instead of having to think about how to brush your teeth each and every time, you probably spend that time reflecting on the day ahead. This is one example of a habit you have established.

Whatever the reason for this delay, be aware that you will feel resistance for about one month. Resistance will look like:

*feeling silly
*being skeptical
*forgetting these suggestions and going back to your old ways

"Just do it" is my best advice for getting past this stage. Caution: watch out for the trap of, "I am becoming more skilled everyday...but not really!" or "I am being financially responsible--despite my inability to stay away from the mall," and other self-sabotaging thoughts.

The next time you find yourself thinking negatively or in a way that doesn't serve your goals or desires, immediately "erase" that programming with an affirmation. Remember---it doesn't matter is your conscious mind thinks it is nonsense. Your subconscious mind accepts and and all input.

Control your thoughts and control your life.

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#16 of the 101 Ways to Love Your Job

Affirmations vs. Positive Thinking

"Willpower creates nothing durable." ~Napoleon

In a nutshell, here's how affirmations work:

1. Your subconscious mind accepts all data without question. Images, words, feelings all register with the subconscious.

What this means is that if you are saying things to yourself like, "Attaboy!" then you're in good shape. If you find yourself saying things like, "You stupid jerk," then you're in for a tough ride. To test this, imagine standing on a hotel balcony--fifty stories up--and then (in your mind's eye) look down at the pool. Feel the zing in your toes? Thoughts have power!

2. Whether you currently believe what you are saying to yourself, the subconscious mind will process it as truth.

If you are trying to lose weight, simply state: "I am losing weight," or some other positive phrase. The subconscious mind deals primarily in imagery, though, so watch out for negative statements like, "I don't want to be fat." To verify this for yourself, say this phrase: "I will not eat that chocolate cake." What's the first thing that popped into your head? Yep. Chocolate cake. So if you are saying, "I don't want to be fat," the image that pops into your head is likely a fat version of you. That is the picture or image that registers with the subconscious mind, and you'll continue to perpetuate this outcome.

3. Affirmations are not the same thing as positive thinking.

Though there are some similarities, the technique for using affirmations is not the same as for positive thinking. Positive thinking asks that you see the positive in every situation, as much as possible. While this allows for the person to focus on the upside of a situation, it may be unrealistic for every scenario (like that stranger following you in the parking lot at 4 am). Instead, affirmations seek to create the outcome you would like, despite the current reality. For instance, if you find you have a chronic illness, or a troubled relationship with your boss, here are some examples of the difference between positive thinking and affirmations:

Positive Thinking (illness): This illness is allowing me to spend the time I needed all along to get myself back on track health-wise.
Affirmation (illness): I am getting healthier every day. I do things that bring me health.
Positive Thinking (relationship): This situation at work is at least teaching me that I can still be productive when someone doesn't like me.
Affirmation (relationship): I am doing things to improve the relationship with my boss. I am taking my share of responsibility for this situation and am making progress every time we meet.

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#2 Be a Good One Today

Have you considered what your direct impact is on coworkers, customers, or citizens? People in such positions as police officers, firefighters, or school teachers can easily connect their jobs and their impact, but what about the rest of us?

What about sewer workers or garbage collectors? Well, we gotta have clean water. What would happen if the garbage was never collected? Finance and accounting types? We all expect our paychecks in a timely and accurate way and this is probably the number-one reason you work. Any copy machine sales reps out there, wondering about your purpose? I defy any of us to go one DAY, much less a week, without making a copy of something.

I often hear people say things like, "At least I'm not flippin' burgers." What's wrong with flippin' burgers? I go through a drive-thru at least once a week to feed myself or my family. I consider that important and I hope the guy on the grill that week does his job well.

Getting the point? Dig deep today and see where you contribute to the larger whole, the larger good. Don't resist this because it seems too pie-in-the-sky. It's critical that you find your calling and not just work to get paid--that you see your impact on your organization and how this carries over into impacting the city you work in, and then your state...and maybe even the world. (Okay--did I go overboard?)

If you don't feel lucky to have your job and get a sense of satisfaction regularly from contributing to making others lives work better...then my advice is to start digging. (Hey---don't forget about ditch diggers---where would we be without them?)

Go to Amazon and purchase the entire collection of "101 Ways to Love Your Job." Visit my websites for articles on dealing with difficult people at work (http://www.work-stress-solutions.com).

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