Don't Believe Everything You Think

It seems to me, that no one is noticing the elephant in the human living room. Thoughts. I don’t seem to be in control of them, and they just keep on coming. I have spent what seems a lifetime trying to control them, their content, and their quality. I have meditated, done affirmations, insisted on thinking positively all day long, journaled and been to therapy. And none of it has changed one thing.



Since I’m not one to sit around after 30 years of effort and tell myself, “Try harder,” I decided to investigate this private realization. As it would happen, this “you are in charge of your thoughts” declaration is absolutely not true. But you knew that already.



What we CAN control is our response to these thoughts. But these thoughts just come on in, unbidden. You can purposely think a statement or affirmation, sure, but what gave you the thought to think it? Ha! Gotcha. It just popped in, right?



Jung had a term called the Collective Unconscious; the Vendata Community has a term, “the causal body.” Both of these explain that thoughts are coming from SOMEWHERE (call it God, Reality or from the Great Beyond), but they are not originating FROM YOU. You are BEING thought!



You’ll notice you are digesting food and taking in air in the very same way. It’s just happening. Your agreement with these processes is not required. It will happen with or without your vote. Sit for a moment and notice this.



So, what is my point?



Well, I had, er, a THOUGHT ‘came in’ that suggested that I write an article about this to you; to allow others to have access to this same insight. At this point, this information may seem like AWFUL news, because you apparently don’t have control over your thoughts. But isn’t this realization also kind of freeing?



If you are not the thinker, than you can just observe the thoughts, and decide (you still have free will) which ones to emotionally or physically respond to. So, you can have a feeling or execute an action. Or you can dismiss the thought altogether.



Byron Katie, of “the Work” fame, anchors her entire program on this premise. She tells us that every stressful thought is a lie. Doesn’t that sound INSULTING at first glance? But what she means is, if the thought is upsetting to us, it isn’t true. It is going against reality or our own truth or both.



“I’m too fat and ugly” could be a thought that pops in when you look in the mirror. Is that true? Are you really TOO fat? Are you considered ugly by everyone? Even your dog? Well, maybe you could lose some weight, but currently, you are as big or small as you are. It’s just a fact. You’re alive and seem to be mobile (you walked by a mirror, right?) so perhaps the definition of fat is subjective. Are you REALLY grossed out by yourself or are you trying to program your view to match some societal opinion that is repeated a lot on TV and at night clubs?



If the circumstances were different and you were on a deserted island with no food, are you too fat now? Or are you properly equipped to withstand isolation until help arrives (compared to your size 5 friend who is definitely not gonna make it past the first month?).



Yes, yes, I hear you. You think this is crazy and will keep you alone and judged by your neighbors and co-workers if you adopt this new way of viewing thoughts. These various people that walk around noticing your outfits and your hair and your butt (and seem to be very important to you---maybe more important than YOU are to you). They really are focused on YOU, aren’t they?? Well, since you have been trying to please them since you were about 12 years old, and haven’t really measured up consistently –if ever---what do you say we stop worrying about the thoughts THEY have randomly entering their brains and focus on the ones randomly entering yours?



Because I have to tell ya, it is actually a lot of FUN to watch them pop in and out all day. And knowing I get to decide which one to attend to and which one to ignore, makes me feel VERY In charge, not out of control. How about trying it my way?



It’s just a thought…:)

"A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years."

— Byron Katie (Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life)



See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Thoughts Become Things

Do you want to know why you feel stressed most of the time?

I've done the reading. I've done the work. I KNOW what makes you (and me) feel stress, discomfort, anxiety, nervous, upset, angry, irritated...call it what you want.

Bottom line: You're not happy.

You can treat your unhappiness like a speck of dust that's on the projector screen in front of you. Every time the picture changes, the speck of dust is now on something else, something different. Or...you can direct your attention to where the speck of dust actually resides: on the camera lens.

What you THINK creates the way you FEEL. You don't have a feeling and then have a thought about it. It's exactly the other way around.

You can change the environment, the people in your life, your body, your bank account. YOU CAN get these "specks of dust" to shift and move and maybe improve. But, just like the changing scenes in a movie, it won't last.

So, let's go for the pay dirt here. You have to wipe off the speck of dust on the camera lens...and that means change your mind from thinking what you think.

Most of our thoughts are just theories. Is this what's happening? Could he have meant this? What was that look about? Will this traffic make me late? Will this outfit impress them? What will happen if that bill passes the House? It's all just conjecture. And very little of it is factual.

Think of thoughts as specks of dust...blow them away...and put 'theories' in place that make you feel mellow, calm, at peace.

How?

First, always ask yourself if the thought you are having is 100% truth. Can you know without a shadow of a doubt that "the traffic will make me late"? Then what are you doing? Do you think that by being stressed and tense you will make the traffic move faster? If so, then ask yourself again, "Is this 100% truth?" Is it absolutely true that you will be late? That your tension will be communicated to other drivers and you will move the traffic along?

Another way to change your mind and therefore your emotion is to turn your stressful thought around completely. The reverse is almost ALWAYS true too, if not truer.

An Example

So back to our traffic theory. "The traffic will make me late." The exact opposite is, "The traffic will not make me late." It's just as likely. You can't see into the future. And if we are being 100% truthful here, isn't your late departure the reason you are possibly running late? And you do have control over that...at least the next time.

Post these somewhere like your bathroom mirror or car dashboard:

-Is it 100% truth?

-What is the exact opposite (and is that just as true or truer?)

Here's to feeling pretty darn good...starting right now. It's just a thought away.

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The Only Stressful Thought

The Only Stressful Thought

“Happiness is a continuation of happenings which are not resisted.”
Deepak Chopra, author, inspirational speaker, physician

“This shouldn’t be happening.”

This is something we all say to ourselves at some point, on any given day, and probably several times every day. It could be the spilled drink, the traffic jam, or that just-noticed belly pooch. The inevitable emotion that is felt when we think the thought, “This shouldn’t be happening” is stress, anger, even depression.

Why do we resist what is? Why don’t we see clearly that traffic jams and someone’s political opinion are not in our control? Why do we move out of our own business and move into someone else’s? (“You shouldn’t have spilled that milk!”).

I ponder this question often these days. In my own quest for peace and happiness, I’ve come to realize that almost all of my pain and discomfort comes from just this one thought, though it sounds like many, many other reasons. And my purpose in writing this article to you, and for you, is really to answer the question for myself.

I know for me, I seem to believe I must feel intense irritation (and even self-loathing) to get truly motivated to change something. I judge myself, therefore, to get myself motivated to do the thing that will stop me from judging myself. Now, is that sane? Is that the way to self-acceptance and acceptance in general? At 46 years old, I will tell you this: it hasn’t worked yet. And I believe a much-wiser person than I, Albert Einstein, said “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.”

So if self-flagellation has not created self-discipline for me (and I know the same is true for those people in my life who have let me in to their inner world and to see them honestly), then why are we doing it? Why are we resisting ourselves, each other, and reality?

Control Freaks Apply Here!

The word that keeps wanting to be typed here is “control.” If I can control events then I will feel happy and at peace. Is that even true? What if I got exactly what I wanted, with the snap of a finger, an affirmation repeated over and over, or a ritual performed under the full moon? What if everything in my life was exactly as I wished it right now? Would that bring me happiness? Finally?

The only honest answer I can give is: “I don’t know.” Because I don’t, and you don’t. I have received what I wished for on occasion---in fact, often---and sometimes it made me happy. And sometimes, over time, it was the worst thing that could have happened to me. This “gift” of experience and time has allowed for one thing, and that’s humility (that came courtesy of a dash of humiliation). I don’t know what’s best for me, or for you, or for right now.

I have no control at all. Even as I type this, my chair could collapse, or my boss could come in, shut the door and tell me my job has been eliminated. My son could be hurt. My identity stolen. Many, many things could be happening that would make me less happy than I am right now. And, it’s worth mentioning, many things could happen that would make my situation right this minute, better.

But apparently, I’m not doing any of it. My actions, my thoughts, my feelings…I can’t say that they are really even a function of cause and effect. The only thing that works for me is this:

There is another way of looking at this.

And this is also reality...this is ALWAYS true. And it's always in your control.

And so whenever I’m disturbed or stressed, that is what I spend my energy ‘doing’ about it. I try to not judge, or complain, or pout (or more accurately, I STOP doing those things and switch gears). Instead, I choose to see another view, any view, that will make me feel some modicum of peace.

This SHOULD be happening, because it is. How’s that for another way of looking at things? Try it. The worst that can happen is that reality stays put. And as far as I can tell, that’s its plan anyway.

And who am I to get in the way? Who are you? Are we powerful enough to change reality?

Choose to see things differently--just for today. Turn the other cheek, if you will, and see things from a different, kinder, gentler perspective. The only thing you have to lose is your stress.

SEE more Articles like this one Work-Stress-Solutions.Com....

You Are What You THINK?

Do you want to know why you feel badly most of the time?

I've done the reading. I've done the work. I KNOW what makes you (and me) feel stress, discomfort, anxiety, nervous, upset, angry, irritated...call it what you want. Bottom line: You're not happy.

You can treat your unhappiness like a speck of dust that's on the projector screen in front of you. Every time the picture changes, the speck of dust is now on something else, something different. Or...you can direct your attention to where the speck of dust actually resides: on the camera lens.

What you THINK creates the way you FEEL. You don't have a feeling and then have a thought about it. It's exactly the other way around.

You can change the environment, the people in your life, your body, your bank account. YOU CAN get these "specks of dust" to shift and move and maybe improve. But, just like the changing scenes in a movie, it won't last.

So, let's go for the pay dirt here. You have to wipe off the speck of dust on the camera lens...and that means change your mind from thinking what you think.

Most of our thoughts are just theories. Is this what's happening? Could he have meant this? What was that look about? Will this traffic make me late? Will this outfit impress them? What will happen if that bill passes the House? It's all just conjecture. And very little of it is factual.

Think of thoughts as specks of dust...blow them away...and put 'theories' in place that make you feel mellow, calm, at peace. How?

First, always ask yourself if the thought you are having is 100% truth. Can you know without a shadow of a doubt that "the traffic will make me late"? Then what are you doing? Do you think that by being stressed and tense you will make the traffic move faster? If so, then ask yourself again, "Is this 100% truth?" Is it absolutely true that you will be late? That your tension will be communicated to other drivers and you will move the traffic along?

Another way to change your mind and therefore your emotion is to turn your stressful thought around completely. The reverse is almost ALWAYS true too, if not truer.

So back to our traffic theory. "The traffic will make me late." The exact opposite is, "The traffic will not make me late." It's just as likely. You can't see into the future. And if we are being 100% truthful here, isn't your late departure the reason you are possibly running late? And you do have control over that...at least the next time.

Post these somewhere like your bathroom mirror or car dashboard:

-Is it 100% truth?
-What is the exact opposite (and is that just as true or truer?)

Here's to feeling pretty darn good...starting right now. It's just a thought away.

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#23 of the 101 Ways to Love Your Job

Let's Talk About Me

Now notice your "makes me" self-talk. "Makes me" is an example of language that is not self-responsible. It sends a message to yourself and the rest of us that you are NOT someone to be reckoned with. Examples include:

"Jane makes me so mad."
"Dogs make me nervous."
"He makes me uncomfortable."

Watch your language this week. It really does make a difference in productivity, credibility, and stress levels. Remember what English poet John Dryden said: "We first make our habits, then our habits make us." This is a powerful realization. Our thoughts are habits (sometimes called "scripts"), but they are habits we created.

That means we can break them, too.

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See my website for more articles on work and work stress. Work Stress Solutions.Com.

#20 of the 101 Ways to Love Your Job

Jingle All the Way

The next time you get a jingle or song in your head that you can't get rid of, use it to your advantage.

Replace the words of the song with words that affirm your goals. For instance, if "Jingle Bells" if running through your mind, replace the words with something like:

Dashing to the bank,
In a four-door Mercedes Benz.
O'er my office I go,
Laughing all the way. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Or just....

Health, health, health
Health, health, health
In a one-horse open health, healllllth!

This is just one more way that you can take control of your own mind and focus it in the way you wish. It's a little like exercising---you don't realize how little strength you have until you start to use the "muscle."

Once you start to focus your brain vs. letting it run amok, you'll find yourself directing your thoughts automatically and with ease.

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#19 of the 101 Ways to Love Your Job

Getting a New Groove

No matter how high your enthusiasm may be after taking a training class or reading a new book, there will be no change unless you focus on this material for at least 21 days. That is the purpose of the "action plan" that you see at the end of many workshops.

You will be fighting your "old groove" for the first three weeks, so expect setbacks. Instead of seeing these setbacks as failure to change, realize this is part of the organic process. You are in charge of making changes in your life (both positive and negative). Luck and fate may play a small role, but this research indicates that for the most part, we are in charge of our "programming" and can decide to seek out improvement or to let things stay as they are.

Pretty exciting stuff, but the real question is: What do you plan to think about for the next 21 days?

I'd recommend you be very precise in your thoughts. If you find yourself thinking of something you don't like or don't want or believe, immediately "erase" this programming by repeating mentally the thoughts you do want to predominate. An example:

"I am so scattered. Why do I always wait until the last minute to get things done?"

Instead of perpetuating this self-image, this person may wish to reframe this observation or trait by thinking something else:

"I like the pressure of getting things done at the last minute. I am also working on getting more organized and doing things before they are due."

Even simple thoughts like, "I'm such a geek," can do damage. Instead, visualize "erasing" this groove or thought pattern by saying, "I sometimes act appropriately and sometimes mess up---just like everyone else."

Proactively creating statements to counter your subconscious messages to yourself are also useful. If you know you spend a lot of time thinking negatively about yourself, your work, or certain circumstances, erase these "tapes" and program yourself to see things the way your subconscious/thinking mind wants to frame them.

Our thoughts create our behavior, not the other way around. The more you focus on your thoughts, the more positive results you will see in your interactions with others.

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#17 of the 101 Ways to Love Your Job

Affirmations Work

Affirmations must be stated as if they are already true.

It is common error to state something like, "I will be promoted soon," or, "I want to be financially comfortable." Unfortunately, what this language creates is the state of wanting to be promoted, but not actually being promoted. So instead, you will always want vs. actually attaining your goal.

State the affirmation as if it is already true. In the above examples, an effective affirmation would be: "I am doing things to get promoted every day," or, "I am making choices that lead to financial comfort." A good test of an affirmation is whether if feels like a lie. If it does, then you are doing it right. I know this sounds strange, but if you don't smoke and you decide to create an affirmation like, "I am smoke-free," then where's the work? Where's the change? By definition, you aren't there yet, so it should be untrue (for now).

Affirmations take about 28 days before you start seeing results.

This is also the time it takes to change a habit. There is something in the subconscious that just holds on to our old way of doing things. Many experts feels this 21-28 day cycle is a survival tool held over from our ancestors. The subconscious is trying to do us a favor by creating autopilot responses to free our minds for higher thinking. Instead of having to think about how to brush your teeth each and every time, you probably spend that time reflecting on the day ahead. This is one example of a habit you have established.

Whatever the reason for this delay, be aware that you will feel resistance for about one month. Resistance will look like:

*feeling silly
*being skeptical
*forgetting these suggestions and going back to your old ways

"Just do it" is my best advice for getting past this stage. Caution: watch out for the trap of, "I am becoming more skilled everyday...but not really!" or "I am being financially responsible--despite my inability to stay away from the mall," and other self-sabotaging thoughts.

The next time you find yourself thinking negatively or in a way that doesn't serve your goals or desires, immediately "erase" that programming with an affirmation. Remember---it doesn't matter is your conscious mind thinks it is nonsense. Your subconscious mind accepts and and all input.

Control your thoughts and control your life.

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#16 of the 101 Ways to Love Your Job

Affirmations vs. Positive Thinking

"Willpower creates nothing durable." ~Napoleon

In a nutshell, here's how affirmations work:

1. Your subconscious mind accepts all data without question. Images, words, feelings all register with the subconscious.

What this means is that if you are saying things to yourself like, "Attaboy!" then you're in good shape. If you find yourself saying things like, "You stupid jerk," then you're in for a tough ride. To test this, imagine standing on a hotel balcony--fifty stories up--and then (in your mind's eye) look down at the pool. Feel the zing in your toes? Thoughts have power!

2. Whether you currently believe what you are saying to yourself, the subconscious mind will process it as truth.

If you are trying to lose weight, simply state: "I am losing weight," or some other positive phrase. The subconscious mind deals primarily in imagery, though, so watch out for negative statements like, "I don't want to be fat." To verify this for yourself, say this phrase: "I will not eat that chocolate cake." What's the first thing that popped into your head? Yep. Chocolate cake. So if you are saying, "I don't want to be fat," the image that pops into your head is likely a fat version of you. That is the picture or image that registers with the subconscious mind, and you'll continue to perpetuate this outcome.

3. Affirmations are not the same thing as positive thinking.

Though there are some similarities, the technique for using affirmations is not the same as for positive thinking. Positive thinking asks that you see the positive in every situation, as much as possible. While this allows for the person to focus on the upside of a situation, it may be unrealistic for every scenario (like that stranger following you in the parking lot at 4 am). Instead, affirmations seek to create the outcome you would like, despite the current reality. For instance, if you find you have a chronic illness, or a troubled relationship with your boss, here are some examples of the difference between positive thinking and affirmations:

Positive Thinking (illness): This illness is allowing me to spend the time I needed all along to get myself back on track health-wise.
Affirmation (illness): I am getting healthier every day. I do things that bring me health.
Positive Thinking (relationship): This situation at work is at least teaching me that I can still be productive when someone doesn't like me.
Affirmation (relationship): I am doing things to improve the relationship with my boss. I am taking my share of responsibility for this situation and am making progress every time we meet.

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#15 of the 101 Ways to Love Your Job

Affirmations Will Change Your Life

I know the word affirmation conjures up all sorts of imagery from "the new age" or pop psychology gurus, but affirmations really are more than just alternative theory. There are numerous published studies (via the New England Journal of Medicine and Duke University, to name just two) indicating that affirmations work. Whether you agree with affirmation theory or not, you are always sending your subconscious mind messages or affirmations. Why not be in control of these messages?

The word affirmation is just a way of saying "affirm yourself" vs. "tear yourself down." Use another term if it helps. Input, thoughts, data, or reconfiguration will all work in its place.

Negative thinking and positive thinking are learned behaviors. We have been told by important others in our past to assess a situation as good or bad, and we continue to do so today as adults. Unfortunately, we tend to err on the side of negative assessment. We may find this more entertaining (Can you believe she work that to the office??) or we may be buffering ourselves for fate or bad news. The idea is that if we head off painful experiences at the pass, we will be better able to sustain the bad news when it inevitably comes. The end result is that we spend most of our lives steeped in negative thought and attract people into our lives with similar views.

Play a game with yourself today. When you find yourself thinking negatively, look for any silver lining in the situation. Got a flat tire? Well, at least it's on a busy highway in broad daylight and not a deserted street at night. Didn't get the increase in salary you'd hoped for? You still have a paycheck. Get the idea? It's just a game---an effective game that will bring to your attention the hundreds of negative thoughts you have each day.

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#14 of the 101 Ways to Love Your Job

No Random Thoughts

Buddha said, "The mind is everything. What we think, we become." This is true in all areas of our lives, but certainly where our careers are concerned. What we are thinking regularly is given attention or mental energy. Mental energy (our thoughts) is manifested in the physical realm as action. Regular actions become habits, and habits create our lives. The more focused and clear our thinking, the more focused and clear the outcome. If the desired end result is not clearly defined and specific, then it is likely we will not realize success. At best, we will get a mixed result---sometimes our plans work out, sometimes not.

Spend time this week thinking about what is happening in your career today. If you are getting inconsistent results at work--sometimes you get recognition, sometimes not; sometimes you get the promotion, sometimes not---then it's likely your thoughts are also inconsistent. When you notice you are thinking in a way that is contrary to your desires, "erase" that thought with one that more accurately represents your goal.

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