Wake Up to Reality

Many people's lives are constantly punctuated with little fits or tantrums in which they express their rejection of what's happening. What are the thoughts that come at these moments? "I'm hopeless," "If he hadn't done that....," "She always...," "I knew better than to do this."



Many of these thoughts are about what you would have done if you'd known better, or seen it coming, or remembered. You think that if you had done something other than what you did, you could have stayed in control of events. "Oh sh*t!" marks the point where reality and your plan parted ways. Things don't seem to be going your way, and to the best of your ability you're going to fight reality, even if all you can do is swear, kick a rock, or give someone you love a hard time.



The alternative is to expect reality NOT to follow your plan. You realize that you have no idea what's going to happen next. That way, you're pleasantly surprised when things seem to be going your way, and you're pleasantly surprised when they don't. In the second case, you may not have seen what the new possibilities are yet, but life quickly reveals them and the old plans don't stop you from moving ahead, from flowing efficiently into the life beyond your schemes and expectations.



Noticing and counting the beautiful reasons unexpected things happen for us ends the mystery. If you miss the real reasons, the benevolent reasons that coincide with kind nature, then count on depression to let you know that you missed them. Anger, frustration, and aggressive reasons can always be imagined---and what for? People who aren't interested in seeing why everything is good get to be right.



But that apparent rightness comes with disgruntlement, and often depression and separation. Depression can feel serious. So "counting the genuine ways that this unexpected event happened FOR me, rather than TO me" isn't a game. It's an exercise in observing the nature of life. It's a way of putting yourself back into reality, into the kindness of the nature of things.



Excerpt from Byron Katie's : "I Need Your Love---Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead"


See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

Don't Believe Everything You Think

It seems to me, that no one is noticing the elephant in the human living room. Thoughts. I don’t seem to be in control of them, and they just keep on coming. I have spent what seems a lifetime trying to control them, their content, and their quality. I have meditated, done affirmations, insisted on thinking positively all day long, journaled and been to therapy. And none of it has changed one thing.



Since I’m not one to sit around after 30 years of effort and tell myself, “Try harder,” I decided to investigate this private realization. As it would happen, this “you are in charge of your thoughts” declaration is absolutely not true. But you knew that already.



What we CAN control is our response to these thoughts. But these thoughts just come on in, unbidden. You can purposely think a statement or affirmation, sure, but what gave you the thought to think it? Ha! Gotcha. It just popped in, right?



Jung had a term called the Collective Unconscious; the Vendata Community has a term, “the causal body.” Both of these explain that thoughts are coming from SOMEWHERE (call it God, Reality or from the Great Beyond), but they are not originating FROM YOU. You are BEING thought!



You’ll notice you are digesting food and taking in air in the very same way. It’s just happening. Your agreement with these processes is not required. It will happen with or without your vote. Sit for a moment and notice this.



So, what is my point?



Well, I had, er, a THOUGHT ‘came in’ that suggested that I write an article about this to you; to allow others to have access to this same insight. At this point, this information may seem like AWFUL news, because you apparently don’t have control over your thoughts. But isn’t this realization also kind of freeing?



If you are not the thinker, than you can just observe the thoughts, and decide (you still have free will) which ones to emotionally or physically respond to. So, you can have a feeling or execute an action. Or you can dismiss the thought altogether.



Byron Katie, of “the Work” fame, anchors her entire program on this premise. She tells us that every stressful thought is a lie. Doesn’t that sound INSULTING at first glance? But what she means is, if the thought is upsetting to us, it isn’t true. It is going against reality or our own truth or both.



“I’m too fat and ugly” could be a thought that pops in when you look in the mirror. Is that true? Are you really TOO fat? Are you considered ugly by everyone? Even your dog? Well, maybe you could lose some weight, but currently, you are as big or small as you are. It’s just a fact. You’re alive and seem to be mobile (you walked by a mirror, right?) so perhaps the definition of fat is subjective. Are you REALLY grossed out by yourself or are you trying to program your view to match some societal opinion that is repeated a lot on TV and at night clubs?



If the circumstances were different and you were on a deserted island with no food, are you too fat now? Or are you properly equipped to withstand isolation until help arrives (compared to your size 5 friend who is definitely not gonna make it past the first month?).



Yes, yes, I hear you. You think this is crazy and will keep you alone and judged by your neighbors and co-workers if you adopt this new way of viewing thoughts. These various people that walk around noticing your outfits and your hair and your butt (and seem to be very important to you---maybe more important than YOU are to you). They really are focused on YOU, aren’t they?? Well, since you have been trying to please them since you were about 12 years old, and haven’t really measured up consistently –if ever---what do you say we stop worrying about the thoughts THEY have randomly entering their brains and focus on the ones randomly entering yours?



Because I have to tell ya, it is actually a lot of FUN to watch them pop in and out all day. And knowing I get to decide which one to attend to and which one to ignore, makes me feel VERY In charge, not out of control. How about trying it my way?



It’s just a thought…:)

"A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years."

— Byron Katie (Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life)



See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

The Only Stressful Thought

The Only Stressful Thought

“Happiness is a continuation of happenings which are not resisted.”
Deepak Chopra, author, inspirational speaker, physician

“This shouldn’t be happening.”

This is something we all say to ourselves at some point, on any given day, and probably several times every day. It could be the spilled drink, the traffic jam, or that just-noticed belly pooch. The inevitable emotion that is felt when we think the thought, “This shouldn’t be happening” is stress, anger, even depression.

Why do we resist what is? Why don’t we see clearly that traffic jams and someone’s political opinion are not in our control? Why do we move out of our own business and move into someone else’s? (“You shouldn’t have spilled that milk!”).

I ponder this question often these days. In my own quest for peace and happiness, I’ve come to realize that almost all of my pain and discomfort comes from just this one thought, though it sounds like many, many other reasons. And my purpose in writing this article to you, and for you, is really to answer the question for myself.

I know for me, I seem to believe I must feel intense irritation (and even self-loathing) to get truly motivated to change something. I judge myself, therefore, to get myself motivated to do the thing that will stop me from judging myself. Now, is that sane? Is that the way to self-acceptance and acceptance in general? At 46 years old, I will tell you this: it hasn’t worked yet. And I believe a much-wiser person than I, Albert Einstein, said “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.”

So if self-flagellation has not created self-discipline for me (and I know the same is true for those people in my life who have let me in to their inner world and to see them honestly), then why are we doing it? Why are we resisting ourselves, each other, and reality?

Control Freaks Apply Here!

The word that keeps wanting to be typed here is “control.” If I can control events then I will feel happy and at peace. Is that even true? What if I got exactly what I wanted, with the snap of a finger, an affirmation repeated over and over, or a ritual performed under the full moon? What if everything in my life was exactly as I wished it right now? Would that bring me happiness? Finally?

The only honest answer I can give is: “I don’t know.” Because I don’t, and you don’t. I have received what I wished for on occasion---in fact, often---and sometimes it made me happy. And sometimes, over time, it was the worst thing that could have happened to me. This “gift” of experience and time has allowed for one thing, and that’s humility (that came courtesy of a dash of humiliation). I don’t know what’s best for me, or for you, or for right now.

I have no control at all. Even as I type this, my chair could collapse, or my boss could come in, shut the door and tell me my job has been eliminated. My son could be hurt. My identity stolen. Many, many things could be happening that would make me less happy than I am right now. And, it’s worth mentioning, many things could happen that would make my situation right this minute, better.

But apparently, I’m not doing any of it. My actions, my thoughts, my feelings…I can’t say that they are really even a function of cause and effect. The only thing that works for me is this:

There is another way of looking at this.

And this is also reality...this is ALWAYS true. And it's always in your control.

And so whenever I’m disturbed or stressed, that is what I spend my energy ‘doing’ about it. I try to not judge, or complain, or pout (or more accurately, I STOP doing those things and switch gears). Instead, I choose to see another view, any view, that will make me feel some modicum of peace.

This SHOULD be happening, because it is. How’s that for another way of looking at things? Try it. The worst that can happen is that reality stays put. And as far as I can tell, that’s its plan anyway.

And who am I to get in the way? Who are you? Are we powerful enough to change reality?

Choose to see things differently--just for today. Turn the other cheek, if you will, and see things from a different, kinder, gentler perspective. The only thing you have to lose is your stress.

SEE more Articles like this one Work-Stress-Solutions.Com....

You Are What You THINK?

Do you want to know why you feel badly most of the time?

I've done the reading. I've done the work. I KNOW what makes you (and me) feel stress, discomfort, anxiety, nervous, upset, angry, irritated...call it what you want. Bottom line: You're not happy.

You can treat your unhappiness like a speck of dust that's on the projector screen in front of you. Every time the picture changes, the speck of dust is now on something else, something different. Or...you can direct your attention to where the speck of dust actually resides: on the camera lens.

What you THINK creates the way you FEEL. You don't have a feeling and then have a thought about it. It's exactly the other way around.

You can change the environment, the people in your life, your body, your bank account. YOU CAN get these "specks of dust" to shift and move and maybe improve. But, just like the changing scenes in a movie, it won't last.

So, let's go for the pay dirt here. You have to wipe off the speck of dust on the camera lens...and that means change your mind from thinking what you think.

Most of our thoughts are just theories. Is this what's happening? Could he have meant this? What was that look about? Will this traffic make me late? Will this outfit impress them? What will happen if that bill passes the House? It's all just conjecture. And very little of it is factual.

Think of thoughts as specks of dust...blow them away...and put 'theories' in place that make you feel mellow, calm, at peace. How?

First, always ask yourself if the thought you are having is 100% truth. Can you know without a shadow of a doubt that "the traffic will make me late"? Then what are you doing? Do you think that by being stressed and tense you will make the traffic move faster? If so, then ask yourself again, "Is this 100% truth?" Is it absolutely true that you will be late? That your tension will be communicated to other drivers and you will move the traffic along?

Another way to change your mind and therefore your emotion is to turn your stressful thought around completely. The reverse is almost ALWAYS true too, if not truer.

So back to our traffic theory. "The traffic will make me late." The exact opposite is, "The traffic will not make me late." It's just as likely. You can't see into the future. And if we are being 100% truthful here, isn't your late departure the reason you are possibly running late? And you do have control over that...at least the next time.

Post these somewhere like your bathroom mirror or car dashboard:

-Is it 100% truth?
-What is the exact opposite (and is that just as true or truer?)

Here's to feeling pretty darn good...starting right now. It's just a thought away.

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