Many people's lives are constantly punctuated with little fits or tantrums in which they express their rejection of what's happening. What are the thoughts that come at these moments? "I'm hopeless," "If he hadn't done that....," "She always...," "I knew better than to do this."
Many of these thoughts are about what you would have done if you'd known better, or seen it coming, or remembered. You think that if you had done something other than what you did, you could have stayed in control of events. "Oh sh*t!" marks the point where reality and your plan parted ways. Things don't seem to be going your way, and to the best of your ability you're going to fight reality, even if all you can do is swear, kick a rock, or give someone you love a hard time.
The alternative is to expect reality NOT to follow your plan. You realize that you have no idea what's going to happen next. That way, you're pleasantly surprised when things seem to be going your way, and you're pleasantly surprised when they don't. In the second case, you may not have seen what the new possibilities are yet, but life quickly reveals them and the old plans don't stop you from moving ahead, from flowing efficiently into the life beyond your schemes and expectations.
Noticing and counting the beautiful reasons unexpected things happen for us ends the mystery. If you miss the real reasons, the benevolent reasons that coincide with kind nature, then count on depression to let you know that you missed them. Anger, frustration, and aggressive reasons can always be imagined---and what for? People who aren't interested in seeing why everything is good get to be right.
But that apparent rightness comes with disgruntlement, and often depression and separation. Depression can feel serious. So "counting the genuine ways that this unexpected event happened FOR me, rather than TO me" isn't a game. It's an exercise in observing the nature of life. It's a way of putting yourself back into reality, into the kindness of the nature of things.
Excerpt from Byron Katie's : "I Need Your Love---Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead"
See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.
