Ahhh...Look at All the Ordinary People

Can I really come out of the closet on this? I'm known for making people's work lives better. Even great. But, I am no longer sure I want to be aligned with the "be the best you can be" crowd. Do you know the ones? I adore them as people, but their message exhausts me. I don't mean that meanly. It seriously, truly does. I am fatigued by all the hyperbole on the human experience---or more accurately---the perceived lack that sums up the human experience.

"Is this the year you will bust out?" and "Live your best life ever!" Then there's the fear factor message, "Are you living your dreams??" or "Are you living with intention and purpose?" Geez. Hold on. Let me catch my breath. I was just trying to catch up on Facebook. And now I feel like the biggest slacker known to mankind!

What if I tried all that and it didn't work? What if I tried all that and it did? Would my life really be BETTER? Or just more. More. Must...get...more!! But what if ordinary actually works? What if a life of 40-hour work weeks, followed or accompanied by a little child rearing, with a dash of some basic body care is enough? Have I lost it? I don't think so. I've never felt so light and free, actually.

I don't think my books, blogs and website (nor my coaching practice) urges you to push, sweat, focus and achieve. I started this particular career (author and internet motivator) around 1996. While I've always been in human resources, and worked with people who were unhappy or struggling, I have never sent the message of overachieve, reach even higher, get out there already!

People ARE out there. I'm out there. Every single day. And along the way, I see tired people. I see bewildered people. I see self-doubting people. People who believe they must make excuses for not walking across hot coals on the weekends. People who can't admit being satisfied with a plump body, a mid-range salary, and a little time to catch up on DVR tapings. That kind of life---is simply not good enough. Buy this book, or watch this video, or attend this seminar...and you will learn how to seek, find, solve, excel, procure a following, and go-go-go!!

Or. You can slow down. You can turn inward. You can look around and see that guy across the table. That pretty face in the mirror. Yes, her. You can find nothing more delightful than a bag of chips and a "What Not to Wear" episode. It will be okay. The world will not suffer. You are NOT selfish or a loser.

You are ordinary. And that, in today's world, strikes me as revolutionary.


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#38 of the 101 Ways to Love Your Job

Dealing with Failure

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." ~George Bernard Shaw

There are few of us out there that are at peace when faced with a failure. Failure is scary, embarrassing, sometimes expensive, and can make "getting back up" more difficult with each additional failed attempt. Hey! Feeling motivated and downright perky?? Well, let's see if I can turn this segment around a little and put a different spin on failure.

You have probably seen statements on failure that sound something like this:

~You never make the shots you don't take.
~Thomas Edison created 99 different versions of the light bulb before he made one that worked.
~The Chinese character for "failure" also means "opportunity."

But his knowledge all sounds a little "pie in the sky" when you are the one who has failed. Before I offer some constructive tools for dealing with failure, I'd like to emphasize that "failure" is self-defined. What may appear to be a failure to everyone you know* may only mean to you that you need to refine the process, practice more, learn from your mistakes, etc. Conversely, what may seem like no big deal to others may seem devastating to you. Regardless, if you identify a failure on your part, there are few things you can do, except "try, try again," as they say. But how do you get the energy or the nerve to try again?

*(I submitted some version of this book to publishers six time over a 7-year span and was rejected--or failed--each time. Failure is only final if you stop trying).

Mourn the Failure.

It's rarely effective to try to fool yourself that you didn't goof. When we deny a problem, it comes to life; when we acknowledge it, it dies. By admitting you made a mistake, screwed up, fell on your face, that it's not someone else's fault, ONLY THEN can the process of getting over it begin.

Anger, crying, self-flagellation, brooding...whatever your version of processing a negative emotion, will allow you to mourn your disappointment in yourself. Note: if you process negative emotion by eating for comfort, drinking, or taking it out on others...that's not processing emotion, but transferring it/avoiding it. Do the work! Remember this famous saying, "The only way out is through."

Then what?

Dissect the cause.

Now that you have mentally and emotionally processed the pain of failing, look at what the cause of the failure may have been and how to avoid it in the future. After all, learning from your mistake is just about the only silver lining.

More on dealing with failure in the next post!

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