You Are Wrong!!

The title got your attention, didn't it? And NOT in a good way.


Aren't you feeling a little agitation right now? I bet you are. This is the normal response to being told we are WRONG. Your intention in reading further may even be to prove to me that you are NOT wrong, but quite right. And you don't even know what we are talking about yet!


This attitude is why we have conflict. Conflict is caused by the desire to be right. Think about an argument you have recently had. Was it with your spouse, co-worker or who was next in line at Target? It doesn't matter WHO is was, or what you THINK about them, or even what the actual FACTS were. What generated the conflict was your need to prove you were right about whatever happened.


In any given situation that involves conflict (whether that is aggressive conflict or polite conflict, it hardly matters) you would be better off in the long run to give up your irresistible need to be right EVERY TIME. You may wish to fight to the death on some issue that is important to you---and those fights are likely the ones that define who you are and what you stand for. But when you are fighting over who took the garbage our last or were you the next one in line, you may need to see where your need to be right is getting in your way.


Dr. Robert Bolten, bestselling author of "People Skills" states, "My research indicates that 95% of all conflict stems from our irresistible need to be right. Our conflict would greatly diminish if we gave up this mindset."


So how do we go about changing this mindset? Following are a couple of quotes based on Dr. Stephen Covey's Work (The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People) and to take a quote from this list and put it to work for you. Place it on your computer screen, as a screensaver or post if somewhere you will see often like the bathroom mirror.


"Assertiveness is defined as courage balanced with consideration." My interpretation: Have the guts to stand up for yourself, but do it with some manners.


"What is more important ? To be right in your relationships or to be effective in them?" My interpretation: On your deathbed, will your last words be "I was loved" or "I was right" ?


Excerpt #70 from my book "101 Ways to Love Your Job."


See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

It's Not Personal, It's Protection

What came up for me this morning, to write to you, was a technique or trick I use to deal with almost EVERYONE. It's ideally used all-day, almost non-stop, with everyone---not just the difficult people in your life.


I imagine everyone that comes into my line of sight as they may have been as a child. The director, flustered, irritated, in a hurry to get budget information to the higher-ups? She's now 9-years-old and in a Brownie uniform. The guy who just cut me off and FLIPPED me off in traffic? He can't even see over the wheel in my mind's eye...he's in overalls and has a cowlick and fudgsicle smears all over his face.

Why do I do this? It reminds me that at the core we are all vulnerable, ashamed of something, hiding parts of ourselves, terrified that we will lose connection with our tribes. So we create these tough-guy masks. Or these "I'm very important" masks. It's not personal. It's protection.


I know that's true for me. And I keep a picture of myself at 5 years old in my bedroom and pass it every day. I often stop and look at this picture and see the happiest of smiles (missing three teeth), the tousled hair in barrettes that I'm sure I thought was looking quite grown-up...her. She's still in me. And I have put tons of armor in place (or she did---it's hard to know at this point).


Will you try this today and see if it helps you? This is one of the "hows" I am offering to the "What" we so often hear : the only thing you can change is yourself.




This entry was a Daily Message on my site. There is no sign-up or newsletter. Just bookmark the page for a daily piece of advice or insight: Work Stress Solutions Daily Message.

See Stephanie's site Work Stress Solutions for more information like this.

#32 of the 101 Ways to Love Your Job

Pride and Prejudice

Creator of the Seven Habits, Dr. Stephen Covey says, "To be objective, we must first admit we are subjective."

We all see the world differently. Every one of us has unique experiences ranging from what part of the country we were raised in to what books we've read over our lives. This creates a subjective and personalized method when we process information. When someone says they are completely objective, it is likely not so. At first glance, this must seem like horrible news. You may even be saying to yourself, "I know there are others in my workplace that this applies to, but she's not talking to me." Oh, yes I am!

If you don't admit or realize that you, like everyone else, have bias, then this very bias will be incorporated into your decision-making. By not acknowledging the bias exists, it clouds your ability to assess the situation accurately. This is the harm in not seeing that we all carry bias.

See my website for more workplace satisfaction techniques: Work-Stress-Solutions.Com


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