Monday, February 28, 2011

The "Gotcha!" Style


Are you a "gotcha" type of person? The "gotcha" personality is that type of person who says nothing (or almost nothing) when things are going well--even perfectly--but swoops in like a seagull, and POW! GOTCHA! when something isn't right. This type doesn't offer much in the way of recognition for a job well done. In fact, these people often feel that a job well done is the status quo. Why waste time being a softy and acknowledging it?

While being good problem-solvers, gotcha types get stuck in this mode and spend most of their time scanning the horizon for what's not working, pointing it out, and then retreating. To spouses, parents, or coworkers, this type of style does a significant amount of damage. Since almost all interaction with a gotcha type is based on negativity, judgment, and correction, people in a gotcha person's life are likely to protect themselves. This might look like:

-Lying
-Getting defensive
-Avoidance
-Doing just enough to not get yelled at
-Reciprocating with gotcha behaviors

Instead, the idea is to point out what is going well. Point it out often. The more we focus on what's working, the more we'll see these behaviors repeated. Then if correction is needed in the future, we can point out the positives, add the correction, and move on quickly. Important relationships flourish, and past resentments will start to die.


I've added a Daily Message to my website. Bookmark it for daily entries like this one.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

9 Destructive Reasons We Cling to Clutter

In my mind, there is no separation between home and work...the entire person is affected by one or the other and carries this effect into the other arena.

And so it is with clutter. A cluttered mind creates clutter in the environment; and clutter in the environment creates a cluttered mind. Which comes first? It truly doesn't matter. Handle the clutter and the rest will naturally follow.

Not sure how? Here's an article by Christine Kane that will help:



"Perfection is not when there is no more to add, but no more to take away."

- Antoine de Saint-Exupery



A retired man once told me he loved going camping with his wife because camping showed her how simple life can be "without all that bloomin' stuff she keeps everywhere!"

He's right!

Our lives are meant to be simple. Our intuition and creativity thrive when given freedom and space. Clutter is a disease. Each moment we ignore the reasons we hold on to things we don't want, those things rob us of energy, health, and clarity. Yes, clutter is destructive!




If you're a clutter-clinger, be kind to yourself. Begin with an awareness of your thoughts and excuses. For starters, read over this list to see if you can find YOUR excuse!

Clutter Excuse #1: "I'd be a mean horrible person if I..."

Guilt is heavy gooey energy that convinces us we're bad people if we let go of heirlooms, knick-knacks, unwanted clothing or gifts.

These items clutter up our lives and keep us in a comfortable - but draining - place. And conveniently, we never have to decide what we actually do want in our environment. We become environmental victims. Often, that spreads into other parts of our lives too!

Clutter Excuse #2 - "I spent so much on it!"

Do you punish yourself for having made a bad choice by keeping the item around? Or convince yourself that you're going to get your money's worth - even if it drains the heck out of you?

You won't. And it will.

We've all done stupid things. And we've all had to let them go. Now it's your turn.

Clutter Excuse #3 - "I might need this someday."

I often wonder how many idle telephone cords exist in the world. Way in the back of old desk drawers. Stuffed on closet shelves. They can't be gotten rid of.

Why?

Because we might need them some day.

Evidently, some day - in spite of technological progress - you're going to need that particular grey phone cord that came in the box with a phone you bought in 1989.

Throw it out. Now.

Same thing goes for: The broken fax machine, switch plates from your first house, and every glass flower vase that came with deliveries.

Clutter Excuse #4 - "I might do this someday."

I know. I know.

Someday you'll take those broken pieces of china you've collected and create a beautiful mosaic birdbath. And you'll go through those stacks of magazines and make that collage for your sister's 30th birthday party. (She's 51 now.)

Now - I don't mean to deny you your plans and dreams. However, I urge you to consider experiencing the infinite relief that appears when you let old project ideas go.

Call your sister and tell her the collage ain't gonna happen. Buy a mosaic birdbath from an artist who makes her living from creating such treasures.

And then, make space for what you want to do. Don't fill your space with what you should do.

Clutter Excuse #5 - "I gotta look good to my guests."

CD's. Books. DVD's. Are these items treasured? Or are they simply a prop so your guests will be impressed by your intelligence and diverse tastes?

Remember this: we are motivated by two things: Fear or Love. Which of these keeps you clinging to items because of appearances?

Clutter Excuse #6 - "I Don't Know Where It Goes."

When items don't have a home, it's harder to determine whether or not they are clutter. Some things may seem like clutter - like the cute card that your daughter made that floats around from drawer to drawer - but they're not clutter.

They're homeless.

Once you start defining spaces for items, then it's easier to see when something doesn't fit anywhere and should just get tossed.

Clutter Excuse #7 - "My thoughts don't have any power. Do they?"

Everything has energy. The thoughts you have about the things in your home CREATE energy. If you are surrounded by stuff you keep out of guilt, then your environment holds guilt. If you hang on to stuff given to you by your ex, and you still feel bitter - then there is bitterness in your home.

Get it?

It's either fueling you or draining you. If anything triggers you, then that is your barometer. Let it go.

Clutter Excuse #8 - "But I never wore it!"

See Clutter Excuse #2.

Clutter Excuse #9 - "There's too much stuff!"

Overwhelm can stop us in our tracks. If this article makes you aware that there are lots of items in your life you don't like, then go slow. Schedule small chunks of time each day. It takes time to be clutter-free! But the newfound clarity and lightness are worth it!


Christine Kane is the Mentor to Women Who are Changing the World. She helps women uplevel their lives, their businesses and their success. Her weekly LiveCreative eZine goes out to over 12,000 subscribers. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can sign up for a F.R.E.E. subscription at http://christinekane.com.

For more articles on work stress, click here.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The Cigarette Break:
Why Taking One is Excellent Stress Management


The title certainly got you “clicking through” to see what I meant, didn’t it?

But I am sincere in this advice. I DO think a cigarette break is a good way to relieve stress. Especially at work. I can almost hear the non-smokers cursing and the smokers cheering in the background. So let me break this down a little and be clear and specific about what I mean.


First, let’s breakdown, in detail, what a cigarette break entails:

1. You physically remove yourself from your work station and go outside.

A perfect stress management technique. Leave the artificial lighting and air; the electronic screens emitting radiation and the ringing phones, and get into nature (even if that’s mostly concrete). Just removing ourselves from this strange, but accepted, environ is immeasurably helpful to the psyche.


2. You bring a smoke-buddy to join you.


This isn’t always the case with the smoke break, but more often than not, we have one person who joins us during this activity. While we are heading down the elevators, and then standing outside for about seven (7) minutes (the time it takes to smoke an average cigarette), we are likely venting all the way. “He’s driving me crazy!” or “I can’t take another email!” Often enough, our smoke-buddy either makes us feel better by agreeing or gives us some sound advice. Sounds like free therapy to me.


Added Bonus: These smoke-friends are usually keeping our smoke-confessions to themselves too. Otherwise, we wouldn’t keep asking them to join us. And FRIENDS are one of the best de-stressors there is. In fact, someone with a best friend at work is reported to be nine times happier with their job than someone with no friendships in the workplace.


3. Take several deep breaths in and out.


Well, aside from the noxious, and possibly carcinogenic, fumes this IS a tried-and-true stress management technique.


4. Repeat about three times a day.


So we are talking about 21 minutes in a given workday --with most smokers heading outside to manage their stress a total of three times. Non-smokers carry on about all the time spent away from their workstation.

But they are just jealous, because the smokers come back relaxed and talked-out and the non-smokers (usually EX-smokers who wish they still smoked, but are in denial) rant and rave, and increase their stress, by saying: “We don’t get to take a break because we don’t smoke. Not fair!!”


But this is where the smokers and non-smokers will finally come together in this article. Why aren’t the non-smokers doing this? The non-smoking population has every legal right to walk away from their workstation and fortify themselves with the following:


See 1-4 above and remove cigarette from instructions.



Smokers aren’t crazy, after all. Just kinda stinky.

Read more Work Stress Articles here.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Videos to Change Your Thinking
(and, therefore, your life)

I didn't become a writer, trainer and coach in a vacuum. The things I know and share with others were provided for me through many different avenues. Two important teachers in my life are easily accessed online and are absolutely free. So, as always, I share what makes my life work with you....


UnAsleep is one to watch. She has shifted my thinking so deeply, I hardly recognize my Old Self. And if you aren't familiar with TED, you are missing out on a RICH resource of powerful people sharing multiple resources of life-changing information.


I have provided two videos from UnAsleep and TED here, that I feel will benefit most of my readers. Please let me/us know what you think of these in the comments section.





Thursday, February 3, 2011

The Option Method
(How to Change Your Mind)


To get in touch with our stress and the thoughts that create this stress, we must begin by removing the layers of beliefs from which the stress originates. This is an easy and painless process when we use the Option Method* questions.


The first question:
“What am I unhappy/stressed about?”


Personalize this question. Substitute the words unhappy or stressed in this question for ones that best expresses the bad feeling you have that you would like to change.

For instance, you may be feeling worried about something. If so, you would ask yourself, “What am I worried about?” Clarify your answer. Narrow it down. If, for example, your initial answer to the first question is something like, “I’m stressed about my job,” that is a very broad answer. You need to narrow it down and be as specific as possible.

The closer you get to the core of your feelings, the closer you come to you shifting your thinking about the situation. The second Option question will help you to do that.


The second question:
“What is it about that, that makes me unhappy/stressed?”


Using the previous example of “worrying about my job”, you would now ask yourself, “What is it about my job that I am worried?” Be as specific as possible. There are other ways of asking this question, such as, “What about my job worries (bothers, frightens, angers, saddens) me the most?” Your answer may be something like “I know that I don’t take care of myself enough. I worry too much I’m going to become sick if keep this up.”

Another way to ask this question might be, “If that were to happen, what would I be most afraid of?” or “If that were to happen, what would be the worst thing about it?” In other words, “If I were to lose my job, what would be the worst thing about that?”

Remember the answers to these questions are as diverse as we are. The purpose of the questions is to help you get in touch with your reasons. This brings us to the next Option question.


The third question:
“Why am I unhappy/stressed about that?”


You ask yourself this question when you are satisfied that you have clearly identified, to the best of your ability, what it is specifically that is bothering you the most at this time.

It is a simple question, but let’s make sure you understand it. “Why” means “for what reason.” This is one of the most important questions you may ever ask yourself. This question prompts you to recognize that you have your own very personal reason for feeling the way you feel.

Often we get so caught up in our emotions that we have completely forgotten we are not actually feeling this way against our will. This wonderful, simple question gives you a renewed opportunity to begin your own self-awareness about the thoughts you continue to have habitually throughout the day.

To apply this question to our example you would ask, “Why am I worried about losing my job?” In other words, “What is my reason for worrying about becoming unemployed?” or “What would I be afraid of or what would it mean to me if I were out of work?” At some point you will find yourself feeling as if you don’t know why, that you just always have been unhappy/stressed about it, or it would seem natural to be unhappy under such circumstances.

Perhaps you are not aware of any reason. You may feel somewhat dumb struck or stuck. This is a natural phenomenon that takes place as we become more aware of our thoughts and not just accept these thoughts as fact. At this time we are on the threshold of self mastery/mastery of our thoughts. When this happens, it is time to move on to the fourth question.

The fourth question:
“What am I afraid it would mean if I were not unhappy about that?”


Another way of asking this question is, “What am I afraid would happen if I were not unhappy/stressed about that?” This is an extraordinary question, one you may very well have never heard before. Repeat it a few times.

You may at first simply feel that this a ridiculous question and that’s natural, but let this question into your mind and soak it in for a minute. Your initial response may be something like, “Well, it wouldn’t mean anything, I’d just be happy.” If so, you’re not really asking yourself the question. Ask again. You see, since nothing has been actually forcing you to feel the way you don’t like to feel, then up until now you must have had a reason for feeling this way.

Until now, you have not exposed or questioned your reasons. You have assumed someone else’s belief, affirmed it and re-created it as your own. When? It does not matter. What truly matters now is that through this question you decide on your own what is true for you and what is not.

Once again, embrace the question: “What am I afraid it would mean if I were not unhappy/stressed about that?”

After you have written down or spoken aloud your answer you will be ready for the final Option question. Take your time. Be satisfied with your answer. If you’re feeling a bit confused or uncertain, go back to the first question. It’s impossible to get lost on your own path or to do this incorrectly. Use the questions as a tool, a flashlight, to light the pathway back to your personal truth.


Be patient with yourself. You have spent a lifetime establishing and developing beliefs that you have never questioned in this way before. The Option questions, though seemingly simple, are new and foreign to you. Don’t rush it.

You may answer this question with something like, “It would mean I didn’t care,” or “It would mean I was crazy.” Or to use our example, you may answer, “If I wasn’t worried about losing my job I’m afraid that I wouldn’t do anything to ensure I keep my boss happy or improve the situation.” This answer shows how you are preferring and choosing to be worried because if you weren’t it would mean you wouldn’t take care of yourself. These kinds of beliefs are at the core of all unhappiness.

See the Final Option Method Question.